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Hi, boys and girls. I'm Swizzle the Squirrel, and today I want to talk to you about how to make new friends at your local park.
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See that little boy? Let's say his name is Barnaby.

Barnaby is an expert when it comes to parks. He's going to show us around <a href="http://maps.google.com/maps?daddr=4009%20S.%20Pittsburg%20Avenue,%20Tulsa%20OK&amp;hl=en">a little, 20-acre park in Midtown Tulsa called Whiteside Park</a>.

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While he's showing us around, Barnaby would like to enlighten us with a few basic rules of engagement for the kid who heads to the park looking to acquire some new play date prospects.

<strong>Rule #1: Start by being standoffish</strong>.

It's a basic principle of relationships: The least interested party is the one with the most social power. You can then use this power to convince your new friends to do things for you, like steal candy and bugs and lint from all the other kids and then relinquish them to you upon your request.

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Continue to evaluate play date prospects from a safe distance. You never know these days who has had a drop-in visit from the cousin who's just getting over chicken pox.

These times we live in, they are so uncertain.

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Remember, however, that in social situations, flexibility is key. If the standoffish approach is not what the doctor ordered, then by all means, chuck it from the backseat of a rapidly moving Windstar.

<strong>Rule #2: Let 'em know who's boss</strong>.

The best way to do this is to approach a large group of kids and make a demand.

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If the prospective playmates don't follow orders, you didn't stinkin' need them, anyway.

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<strong>Rule #3. Develop a survival tactic</strong>.

A good place to start on this is with a proper and intimidating scowl.

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See? When The Scowl is in full use, no one dares come near.

<strong>Rule #4: A good joke wins friends and influences people</strong>.

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Just remember to save the ones your daddy thinks are funny for someplace other than the playground.