<i>I am pleased to present another great character analysis from Kula. This time she lifts your bar tab and tells you just who you really are! - Saer</i>

Hello again my pool noodles! Are you locked and loaded for another round of food+physiological brain teasers?? I know I am! Just when you finally felt comfortable in your ordering wisdom and how it reflects on whether you are a middle child, an introvert, or are secretly obsessed with carnival games, now there is a new reveal-er of the truth that many-a-nights you clutch in your very hands.

The contents of your drink down at your local watering hole can be more telling than that ridiculous personality test you took in the 8th grade. Depending on your answer, that little X on "very much like me" or "not at all like me" can be the difference between revealing you to be a Homer Simpson-esque Duff man beer type of creature, or the ever illusive "shaken not stirred" martini/part time spy kind of person. 'So what does my drink of choice say about me?' some may wonder. Let's investigate shall we? Lets dive into a tall glass of liquids and personality traits, get shook until we get a little dizzy and decide whether you deserve to be seen with salt on the rim or with a little twist ;D

<strong>Category: Beer</strong>

<em>The everyman brew. Like to have a vast varieties to choose from? Light and dark lagers, light and dark ales, porters, and stouts a plenty! Comes in can, beer, and keg forms. Also the drink that can induce some impressive belches and even more divine bellies:)</em>

I think it is safe to say that for the majority of us, our first introduction to the world of alcohol was through this beverage. Beer is everywhere. Beer is international. Beer is what is likely to be served. Beer is a staple. Oh how that relates to it's drinkers! Beer drinkers are those who are easy, and relaxed, rarely will you see them getting all worked up, they are those "staple" friends, those who can fit into just about any plans you have and you know they will be bringing no drama to the table, they are down to have some fun. You want to stay at home and veg on the sofa? They are game. You want to spontaneously hit the beach? They'll grab their suit. You want to go out with the group of Europeans that flock to NYC in the summer? They are hailing the cab, and are the perfect pal to have around if said Europeans turn out to be lame. 

A lot of these people end up being the kind of friend that you have known for years, through the laughter of childhood, the attitudes and awkwardness of teenage hood, the ever growing and ever changing 20's, and so on. You know those times when you discover that you have had one lonely beer left in the back of your fridge that you totally forgot about, and on that night it was the best thing that could have happened and it has never tasted so delightful as its previous 5 siblings you earlier consumed? I have a point, and here it is: Beer drinkers are like those friends that you have had forever and sometimes there are long periods of time that elapse before you both talk or hang out again, but oddly it is never an issue. You just pick up right where you left off. No feelings hurt. No explanation needed. You settle back into the comfortableness and talk of the going-ons in life and laugh until your side hurts all over a couple of pints of that hoppy, frothy, amber liquid that can put you at ease.

<strong>Category: Wine</strong>

<em>“[I]t is the wine that leads me on, the wild wine that sets the wisest man to sing at the top of his lungs, laugh like a fool – it drives the man to dancing... it even tempts him to blurt out stories better never told.” -Homer (the fame writer, not the Springfield native)
</em>
Whether you prefer the reds or the whites, a wine drinker is a wine drinker, is a wine drinker! A'many occasion calls for wine. It is a very impressive compliment for a plethora of delicious eatable treats. Are you having pasta? Fish? Steak? Cheese? Chocolate? There is a wine that is perfect for whatever the day demands of you. How many things in life can you say that about? How about some of your amigos? Wine drinkers to me tend to be spirited, caring, confident, funny people. Do you have a work event that you have to go to and don't want to fly solo? You bring them and they work the room and make you look good in front of your boss. Do you need to have a divine dinner get-together with good friends where you sit and talk for hours until candles are melted down until a gentle flicker and there are lingering nibbles of food still left on plates as the topics change from one to another effortlessly? This is a go-to person. Do you need a good laugh over, oh I don't know, say she showed up an hour late to a movie and was upset over why they would not let her into the theater and how she ripped the hose out of the gas station after she drove away with it still connected to her car? Wine is always an excellent companion to laughter. If I am being truthful, wine is the one beverage that I can always feel, after a good glass of red my cheeks feel a tad flushed, and I'm always wondering if I'm talking really loud or not, and I laugh, at everything, whether it is funny or not. And it gives me the worst case of heavy leg! All that being said, I love it! I always hope that wine is involved somehow and rejoice when I see it put on the table. There are a few people too that I hope will show up at different outings, and it is always so much more enjoyable when they do make their appearance for a night certain to be filled with heart-to-heart chats, giggles, and adventures you are sure not to forget anytime soon. 

Category: Vodka/Gin

These two have a bit of a reputation. When have you ever had a vodka and not thought about cold Russian nights in Moscow? Or had gin and not pictured Humphrey Bogart in all his glory saying to us "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine”? None of you? Seriously??? Well that just makes me want to mix one of these with tonic and live in my own little world....

I find that people either love vodka or gin, OR they greatly dislike vodka or gin. I don't seem to know too many on the fence with these. Vodka and Gin drinkers seem to speak their minds often, be creative, cultured, open-minded individuals. Have an art gallery opening you are going to? Call this person up and have a better time because of it. Have a very obnoxious, and at times challenging old "friend" that came into town and wants to grab lunch and dish about how grand their life is and look at you like you are a pitiful puppy? Text this person to join and be happy you enlisted the best buffer this side of the Mississippi! Want an opinion as to where to plan your next vacation? Email this person and wait for the suggestions and contacts, and tips on where, and when to go and what to do to flood in. These people aren't your "everyday" best friend necessarily, but that doesn't make them any less important. They are those called into the front lines when the time comes for them and only them, and they deliver perfectly, you never have to doubt that they have your back. Then you always grab a quick night cap with them at the littlest dive that has the best vibe tucked somewhere in the Meatpacking District and dish about your opinions over the latest Indie film you just saw or who is in fact more attractive: Joseph Gordon Levitt or Ryan Gosling, while sipping happily on a clear, strong liquor of choice that the night just calls for paired with bubbly tonic to add some lightness to the mood:)

Category: Rum/Tequila 

These beverages just scream warm weather! And parties! And dancing! They are spicy and fun! Example: if you are the type that would never dance even if somehow you had surgically implanted the feet of Fred Astaire in place of your own, with the help of these guys you will be doing the Samba until the cow come home, loving every minute of it. 

AAHHHHHHHH Macarena! Sorry, apparently I associate drinks that contain Rum or Tequila with dancing. Which bottom line, equals FUN! MUCHO, MUCHO fun! Apparently it also makes me think that I can speak Spanish too. Well enough about me, let's talk about them! Rum and Tequila consumers are the life of the party, loud, always ready to do something and anything, energized....dancers! Are you dying to go to that hot underground salsa club but are too nervous to go alone because you um, er, you don't know how to salsa? This person will be your safety net and will somehow get you guys in without waiting in line. Is there someone that you may be interested in but you are too shy to do anything about it? If this person is around be cautious, they will most likely quite literally push you into them and walk away, no where to be found! Are you desperately in need of a good night out? Or a shopping spree? Or a good ole fashion pamper-sesh complete with mani and pedis? They are already way ahead of you and have the whole day planned out! They are those type of people that you kind of look at in amazement because they never, EVER, seem to tire. They can keep going like Lionel Richie, ALL NIGHT LONG!  These friends come with a warning though, they are great, yes, hands down, but too much time spent with them can make a person a little crazy at times. You can only keep up with their "schedules". and friends, and conversations, and disorganization, and newest issues for so long until you wave a little white flag and crash into a nap. No hard feeling though, they will be there when you wake up telling you to hurry and get dressed because you guys are going on a last minute trip to Miami for the weekend. You leave all filled with excitement and aw, and a margarita in your hand and extra limes in your bag, because you know, just in case!

Category: Scotch/Whiskey

Tall, dark, and mysterious! They can warm you to your very core. Should only be drank in a library, only lit by candle light and/or a fireplace, wrapped in velvet of some sort, sitting in a pronounced leather back chair, pondering over the thoughts of Ernest Hemingway. 

I'm just going to say it: Scotch and Whiskey to me, is a man's drink! So powerful at times it's said to be able to put a little hair on your chest! You've got to be able to handle the way as soon as a good Scotch or Whiskey hits your tongue you can feel it all the way to your toes. See? A real man's drink! To me Scotch and Whiskey guys are assertive, confident, intellectual, and have a dry wit about them. Do you like a man who can do a hard day of work and still come home and cook dinner while reciting John Keats to you? Find this type of guy with a single malt Scotch in his hand. Do you like a man that can look at a problem and handle it accordingly without ever having to loosen his bow tie on his impeccable tux (that he is pulling off very handsomely I may add)? This gentlemen is for you! Do you like a guy that is knowledgeable in just about anything but doesn't feel it necessary to gloat about it, instead enjoys saying the most dry jokes ever that can induce a smile on the outside while you melt on the inside? Yea, me too, and guess what? He is a Scotch drinker. They are decision makers, they never second guess. Have you gotten too chicken in the middle of drinking a Scotch, thinking 'I can't handle this!'? Have you ever had to add a little Ginger Ale to your Whiskey to cut the heat a bit? The real men can handle the full punch that their amber of choice liquid is delivering, they take it, drink it, and ask for another without ever breaking from discussing their thoughts of Tolstoy's War & Peace and being adamant that Peter Seller's Clouseau is genius and untouchable, all the while you are enjoying every sip becoming more and more ooey gooey on the inside as your drink gets less and less full. 

Category: Liqueurs

Chambord, Kahlua, Bailey's Irish Cream, St Germain, Cointreau, Amaretto, Campari. So much variety! They usually come from fruit, herbs, or nuts. And bonus! "Liqueur" is so fun to say, it sounds like you are French! Baguette!

As mentioned above, Liqueurs have a base of fruit, herbs, or nuts, and then they add some sugar to that. In some cases, (cough*Pucker*cough) they add a lot of sugar. There are berry liqueurs, and cream liqueurs, and flower liqueurs, really something to tickle any body's fancy. What does this have to say about those who prefer Liqueurs? I've observed them to be completely unique, sometimes misunderstood, interesting, and good listeners. Just like Liqueurs themselves have sugar added, their people counterparts tend to have that "little something extra" quality about them too. A mysterious ingredient that you can't always put your finger on. So you heard of this great Icelandic musician who will be playing a show on the mouth of a volcano, and for whatever reason you kinda really want to go? This person will get the tickets. Did you just have a really bad conference call with your boss that now makes you resentful and immediately sets you off in search of a new job where you will feel appreciated? Talking to this friend will help you to see what your boss might of really been trying to say and that the fact that you just got a raise might in fact mean that they do like you and think you are doing a great job. Do you like to have friends that are into different.....stuff? Well you can most likely find these friends in the middle of writing a book of short stories, or in the process of putting together a soundtrack for the film they just made, or their new hobby is making avant garde wedding dresses. These friends can be quite refreshing, and can remind you that life is sweet and worth enjoying to the full so, yes, I will have whipped cream AND chocolate on top of my Kahlua Mudslide! 

Category: Champagne 

The bubbly! It is synonymous with celebrating. John Maynard Keynes once said "my only regret in life is that I did not drink enough Champagne!" So pop a cork and fill a glass and party like it's 1999!

Can anything be more divine than a good glass of Champagne? That was a trick question. The answer of course is 'NO!'. It is a shame that people only hold out on Champagne for special occasions. I mean what is a Monday night for if not an occasion to drink liquid gold??? So who are they Champagne people? They are often vivacious, completely lovable, curious like cats, and inevitably are the biggest dreamers. Do you want to get all dressed up and go out to a roof top lounge just to treat yo self? This one's has her little black dress on standby. Do you like to have a friend who is not afraid to ask anybody anything and who seems to be able to hold a conversation with a pile of dust? This person has already been engrossed in about 3 conversations before you are even back from hanging your jacket up. Do you need someone in your life who will encourage you to take that risk and do what you love even if that means designing clothes for cats? This friend will tell you that a life full of unfulfilled dreams is no life at all...but have you ever thought about designing clothes for humans? it's just a thought. Champagne drinkers love the way that the bubbles seem to flood their body and genteelly rise to their heads were they can break up the worries and stress and make for a good night! Same with these friends, look for them when you need a little boost in life  and learn to celebrate those little moments, or bubbles along the way with a glass full of a beverage that can make any occasion or any person fancy!

This concludes yet another journey deep into the human psyche by way of the liquor cabinet. Not too painful, right? So all this really means is that next time you are out for a drink with your pals you will be thinking 'you are SUCH a beer guy!', or 'of course, spoken like a true gin girl.'. And for that, you are welcome;) While you walk past stools and tables at your corner bar you will no longer see them as patrons at a pub, but rather individuals who are playing out a live game of Please Understand Me! Does the fact that he just ordered a Manhattan mean that he is a Rational, Artisan, Idealist, or Guardian? Discuss! Either way, it is so fantastic to have a table full of different beverages and even different people and have it all work together harmoniously. Whether they are served straight up, on the rocks, two olives, a lime, or a decorative umbrella, your drinks and friends of choice make for loads of deliciousness now, and future memories and stories to be shared in the future! 