I really hate it when I let people down.

Maybe that's because when I was younger I did it an awful lot, but I have come to like the idea of being dependable, especially when it comes to my children. If they told me they needed to be picked up at a certain time, I was there waiting when they came out. If they needed me to get them something at the store, or proofread a school assignment, I did it.

[caption id="attachment_1246" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Pauline, Maddie and Ryan"]<a href="http://mikerappaport.net/onevoice/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/DSC_0117-2.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1246" title="DSC_0117 (2)" src="http://mikerappaport.net/onevoice/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/DSC_0117-2-300x199.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="199" /></a>[/caption]

So while I know it disappoints my children when I make a mistake out of stupidity, forgetfulness or neglect, I hope it also surprises them at least a little.

A few months ago, we learned that our wonderful daughter Pauline is pregnant with her second child. We were excited and happy and we made a fuss about it at the time. I had been asking Pauline when she would learn the sex of the baby, and the date she told me was scheduled to come during our trip to Europe.

I had no e-mail access during the first week of the trip, and when I learned that the second baby would be a boy, we were in Greece with Virgile and his wife.

I could have sent an e-mail. Under almost any conceivable circumstance I can imagine, I would have sent an e-mail. All it would have taken is a few words. But for some reason I didn't get around to it. It was a difficult trip with a lot of stress, and I wasn't sleeping well. But that's no excuse. By the time I got around to it, I had hurt Pauline and that's something I never want to do under any circumstances.

[caption id="attachment_1247" align="alignleft" width="180" caption="It&#39;s a boy"]<a href="http://mikerappaport.net/onevoice/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/273625_1053810057_6649899_n.jpg"><img class="size-full wp-image-1247" title="273625_1053810057_6649899_n" src="http://mikerappaport.net/onevoice/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/273625_1053810057_6649899_n.jpg" alt="" width="180" height="135" /></a>[/caption]

I really don't like looking at myself in the mirror and seeing a bad guy. Some of the happiest moments in my life -- most of them, in fact -- have come courtesy of my two children, and whatever I can do for them pales next to what they have done for me.

I have written about this before, but one of the five best hours in my life was sitting on a sofa in Beijing with little Maddie -- 10 days or so old at the time -- sleeping on my chest. I certainly hope there will be moments like that with our grandson. It was truly wonderful.

But right now I'm not feeling too good.

I do know one thing. As proud as I have always been of my children, I am not going to let them down again.

From now on, I'll get it right.

I wonder if it would be appropriate to mention that from the look of that sonogram, that kid is going to be very popular with the girls.

Nah, better not.

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