If there's one thing I have been learning recently, it is that people usually tend to live up or down to the expectations we have of them.

If there's a better argument than that for treating people well, I can't imagine what it is.

[caption id="attachment_483" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Lovely South Texas"]<a href="http://mikerappaport.net/onevoice/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Texas-004.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-483" title="Texas 004" src="http://mikerappaport.net/onevoice/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Texas-004-300x199.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="199" /></a>[/caption]

For the last 10 days, here in the beauty of the South Texas countryside, I have been reacting to other people on a more positive level than ever before in my life. When I'm out hiking, I wave and smile to everyone I encounter. When there's the possibility for any sort of conversation, I take it and make the most of it. When my encounter ends, I have invariably been urging them to "have a wonderful day."

I can tell you right now.

It works.

More people have been smiling at me, acting happy and pleasant around me and just being upbeat in general than I have ever seen before. I haven't had much chance to use these new feelings with the people I know best, because I haven't been interacting with them much from here in South Texas. But in the chances I have had, I know I have surprised some of them.

Strangely, it reminded me of an encounter I had three years ago at my 40th high school reunion. My wife and I were talking with the lovely Dale Morgan, who has been the person who has held our class together through all the years. Nicole and Dale were looking at a picture of me from 1967.

[caption id="attachment_482" align="alignright" width="150" caption="Hot or not? 1967"]<a href="http://mikerappaport.net/onevoice/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/me.jpg"><img class="size-thumbnail wp-image-482" title="me" src="http://mikerappaport.net/onevoice/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/me-150x150.jpg" alt="" width="150" height="150" /></a>[/caption]

It's this picture here, and when I saw it for the first time in nearly 40 years, I had two reactions. The first one was, "Boy, was I skinny." And the second was, "Hey, I didn't look as bad as I always thought I did."

Dale's reaction, and I think she was mostly being nice since she was talking to my wife, was, "He was hot."

I laughed when I heard that, and mentioned how none of the beautiful girls from our class had gone on even one single date with me.

Her answer was only three words. "You never asked."

Sadly, the answer would have been no if I had asked most of them, because I would have asked in such a way that made it very clear I was a pathetic, needy, unconfident dweeb.

If I had been different then, if I had been the person I am now, I'm sure I would have gotten some different answers. When you are confident in yourself, outgoing, friendly and genuinely interested in the other person as a person, you get more of a positive response from them.

If only it didn't work both ways. I was so genuinely <em>bad</em> in most of my personal relationships when I was younger that it was a wonder I had any friends at all. I used sarcasm and putdowns to make myself feel better at the expense of others, and it isn't as if it went unnoticed. The wives of my two closest friends in the world both pointed out to me at one time or another than I could be sort of an asshole when I wasn't careful.

That's why I was always suspicious of George W. Bush. Once I heard that he loved to give demeaning little nicknames to people, I know something about him that I didn't like. That's how people like Bush -- and like me -- made themselves feel better, by putting other people down.

But there's more to the expectations thing.

I treated my first wife like a slut, encouraging her weaknesses, so she acted like one. Even with my second wife, who I love very much, I treated her as someone who was weak and who needed my help, so she became weak.

Now that I'm in Texas and we've been apart for the last six weeks, Nicole is seeing once again what a strong, capable person she is. I believe -- and certainly hope -- that in the long run, our marriage will be stronger for it.

It's really pretty simple.

Treating people well -- and expecting the best of them -- is really the only way to live.