I was listening to George Strait's "I Can Still Make Cheyenne," a song that fills me with sadness, particularly one line.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJFNEVd1ucc

<em>"I'm sorry it's come down to this, there's so much about you that I'm gonna miss ..."</em>

Strait's song is the story of the end of a marriage, of a wife telling her husband not to come home from the road because she has found someone new. But that wasn't the way I was thinking about it. I was thinking of my mother, who lost her husband of nearly 52 years when my dad died, and of all the things about him she misses. And I was thinking -- hopefully at least a little prematurely -- of how I would feel if something happened to Nicole.

[caption id="attachment_795" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="The love of my life"]<a href="http://mikerappaport.net/onevoice/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/DSCN0079.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-795" title="DSCN0079" src="http://mikerappaport.net/onevoice/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/DSCN0079-300x224.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="224" /></a>[/caption]

Nicole and I have been together for more than 18 years, and we have had some brutally difficult times, about 80 percent of which I would say are my fault.

<em>She might say 90. Just kidding.</em>

Probably the biggest bone of contention is that I seem to need a lot of time to myself. I can sit and listen to music, or watch DVDs, or surf the Internet, for hours by myself and not get bored.

She's happier when we do a lot of things together.

But I've come to a conclusion the last couple of days, with a little bit of help from George Strait. There is going to come a time when one of us will die and the other one will have to go on alone. If I'm the one who survives, I know I'm going to feel exactly the way the cowboy in Strait's song does.

<em>"There's so much about you that I'm going to miss."</em>

One of the things that makes my wife happiest is when she is in bed, preparing to go to sleep, and I read to her. Sometimes I go along with it cheerfully, but there are times -- maybe I'm tired or a little irritable -- when I am not as gracious.

But when she's no longer with me, I know I will regret every one of those times.

It's like that old saying, that on your deathbed, no one ever regrets not spending more time at the office. They <em>do</em> regret not finding more time for their family.

I know I love this woman as much as I am capable of loving anyone, and I really want to try and show it more consistently.

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