I had an amazing experience today, one that sort of hit me out of nowhere.

I have been undergoing analysis lately -- "navel gazing," as some would put it -- trying to figure out why I had been having trouble for so long putting some of my youthful mistakes behind me. I was a serious underachiever in my teens and twenties; I didn't even get my first job in my career until I was 29.

[caption id="attachment_163" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Scene of the Crime"]<img class="size-medium wp-image-163" src="http://mikerappaport.net/onevoice/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Vacation-2005-063-300x225.jpg" alt="Scene of the Crime" width="300" height="225" />[/caption]

That was right around the time my first marriage was slipping away, so I had a definite problem with getting it all together at the same time. Either my love life was in good shape or my career was -- that's the way it went for most of my fourth decade. My long-term goal had always been to work for a major metropolitan newspaper and cover major league baseball.

I made it to one major metro -- the <em>St. Louis Globe-Democrat</em> from 1984-86 -- and filled in some on baseball, but mostly my area of expertise was college basketball. I finally got baseball in 1990 when I was hired to cover the Dodgers by the <em>Daily Bulletin</em> in Ontario, Cal., which wasn't a major metro but was a suburban paper.

That was where my career ended 18 years later, short of glory but after a pretty good run, including five years as a columnist. I've spent a good bit of the nearly two years since then regretting the things I didn't accomplish.

So anyway, I've been talking with the analyst and feeling sorry for myself. Hey, the truth hurts. So yesterday I asked him, how come I didn't overcome my bad start. He really surprised me with his answer.

<em>"You did."</em>

He explained his answer to me, and I couldn't believe how much sense it made. He told me that there certainly were people who overcame early difficulties to have very successful careers, but that very few of them also had good family lives.

<em>"You sacrificed in your career to have a successful family life."</em>

That was the moment that I realized several things. First, that he was right. After I met Nicole in 1992, I had pretty much eliminated the possibility of moving again to take a step forward. So my children got my best effort, and I concentrated on being the best father I could. Both of my children tell me I did a pretty good job.

But it was the second realization that hit me the hardest. I had essentially made many of the same choices -- and lived a similar life -- as my dad, who I never really appreciated enough for all that he had done.

So in the end, I was surprised.

I had a little more respect for myself -- and a lot more respect for him.