Ah. Well, for the biscuits I would suggest you dust the glob of dough in the bowl with flour, then use a wooden spoon to turn the glob out onto a floured countertop. Use a floured hand to flatten it from above, then use a rectangular dough scraper to manipulate it (I like to fold mine over about three times), flattening with a floured hand each time. Then cut 'em and use the dough scraper to move them to parchment. How's that for minimal touching? :-)

Pie: Do you have my recipe? You are a close enough friend to have it. It's easy, and the recipe is generous, so you should never have holiness issues.

It is good to know I can solve the world's problems from the comfort of my desk chair. Heh.