I don't swear very much, if ever on this blog, but holy shit, I just finished my third year in Bulgaria!

I am sitting in the Seattle airport waiting for my flight to Walla Walla thinking about my last three years abroad and I've got plenty of time to think considering the fact that my flight isn't until 8pm and it's only 1pm right now. Don't ask, don't ask. Walla Walla is about 5 hours by car from Walla Walla and flights didn't line up very well on this trip.

But back to the point of this post, it feels crazy and I can't believe that I get to write this sentence: I've lived in Sofia for three years.

You know what else this means? I've been blogging for three years about me, my life in Sofia and all of my various adventures. That also sort of doesn't seem possible but it's true. I wrote my first post <a href="http://www.karolinkabulgaria.com/2008/07/11/hello-world-2/" target="_blank">July 11, 2008 on winning a Fulbright</a>. Rereading that post reminds me of just how excited and terrified I was of moving to Bulgaria. Then there's the post about<a href="http://www.karolinkabulgaria.com/2008/08/05/its-real-i-am-moving/" target="_blank"> the day I left DC for good</a>.

God. It makes me nervous and anxious to read those posts again <em>and</em> I know how the story goes.<!--more-->

I really didn't know anything about the country. I had a vague idea of what I was going to do on my Fulbright. I had a general sense of life in post-communist Eastern Europe but I had no clue what I was getting myself into. Just to put this in perspective, <a href="http://www.karolinkabulgaria.com/2008/08/07/my-apartment/" target="_blank">I'd never even lived on my own before</a>.  I'd never spent any real time traveling. I didn't know the language or the alphabet and I packed up two suitcases and a carry-on and moved to Sofia.

Yep. These early posts sort of want to make me puke. Not in that they are poorly written or they are embarrassing to read again. No. These posts make my stomach flip-flop. They give me butterflies. Reading them makes my heart beat-faster. Now, I know that the story works out okay but it doesn't make rereading the posts any less intense.

It's just that after three years living and working in Sofia, it's become easier and easier to forget those earlier feelings about starting a new life abroad. Bulgaria is less scary. I know more of the language. I know my way around the city and I've made it a point to explore the city.

This is, I think, the thing that's made the biggest difference in my life. Early on I made it a priority to find my favorite coffee shop, to eat in new-to-me restaurants or these days--just new restaurants, to keep an eye out for the coolest shops with the most unique and interesting things. This pursuit let me dig into the city, try new things and find out a lot about the city and myself in the process. The funny thing? More and more Bulgarians tell me that I know the city better than they do.

I take this as a huge complement. It wasn't easy to get to know this city. Sofia is a maze of winding streets--often unlabeled in either Bulgarian or English. The sidewalks are a mess with uneven cobble stones and cars regularly parking <em>on</em> them rather than next to them. And more often than not, you can't judge a book by it's cover. Some places look great but have horrible service. Other places seem shabby but have great food and even better prices. There are gems in this city--you just have to be willing to look for them.

I wrote a couple of years ago that I am in love with this city even though it's not an easy city to love. It's still true but like all romances it has had its ups and downs.  Over the course of three years, I've seen the good, the bad and the ugly but I am still here. I am still sticking it out. Moreover, I've committed myself to a fourth year. While I am not convinced that the city loves me as much as I love it, I am here and I am trying to make it work.

In rereading what I've written, it's funny the way fear and uneasiness can turn into longing and nostalgia so quickly. It's also incredible the way time can pass so quickly. Three years ago, I couldn't imagine what life in Sofia would be like and now three years later, I can't imagine what my life would look like without Sofia.