I saw signs that read "stand to the right" when I was in Vienna, but there were still people on the left. I guess people here just don't think about how the whole thing would work faster. Same as with getting on and off - they don't think. I always try to stand to the side while there are people getting out. When it's me that wants out and there's a crowd in front, I tend to be mean and just pass by them REALLY close. Enough to make them as uncomfortable as possible, without actually bumping into them. In some cases I make it look like I barely stopped myself from crashing into them, because they're in the way. Hopefully next time they'll stand to the side, when someone's getting out. 
The ticket hole is uncomfortable, but for me it's not because it's on the left - I have two hands, I just grab my ticket in the left one. I've never put it there with my right hand. However, because the bars are closer together on the left, one tends to stay further to the right, therefore the ticket hole is not as close to the body, as it would've been on the right.
My solution for the escalators is simple - I take the stairs. It's faster and it's fun to watch the crowds at the bottom of the escalator. Silly people.
And I didn't know that thing about the eye contact in DC. I'll keep that in mind, if I go there. Here there's not much to do other than to look around at people. It's not like you can enjoy the view from the window. You don't stare, but if you meet someone's eyes, big deal. It just means they are looking at you as well.