I have many fewer clothes in Bulgaria than I did in the States so this morning when I went to my closet and pulled out my go-to gray cardigan sweater I was sad to find an inoperable hole in it. A big one.

I hung it back in my closet. Why I am not sure. It felt too hard at 6am to part with it. So now I have an unwearable sweater hanging in my closet. That probably says something <em>awesome</em> about me especially if I was Freud and knew how to read these things.

Anyhow, I find myself surprised by how sad I was to see the hole. Because really, it's just a hole, in a sweater, a light gray one. One that, in fact, I was never 100% happy with because the sleeves never fit exactly how I thought they should. So when a sweater meets the end of it's regular life, most people wouldn't worry about it. Out with the old and in with the new. <!--more-->

The thing is in my past life, in Washington DC,  it was always much more of: in with the new, in with the new, in with the new and out with a piece that I just don't love any more. It was out not because it was old, ripped, worn-out or otherwise damaged but because I just didn't feel like I wanted it any more. So I'd give it away or donate it to a local women's shelter.

My life abroad has forced me to pare back.

Today I have fewer clothes because I have what I need. I've been forced to pick what I actually use over what I want or desire. Sure I could buy more clothes, many more in fact, but I don't because anything I buy I'll have to move at some point.  I've downsized and I think that I am a better person for it. I try to buy only what I love <em>and</em> need.

Now I find myself short one sweater in the middle of winter. This is clearly not a void that I can escape from filling so I'll have to buy another.

All of this said, it' s nice the way that living abroad often challenges you to be a different (and maybe even better) person that you were at home. Even if it's just little things.