Last night my friend I. invited me to a costume party at Sofia University.  I went and had a great time: costumes, dancing, wine--it's a pretty good mix anyway you look at.  The thing is, I am horrible at putting a costume together in the States with a range of clothing in my closet so here in Bulgaria I was at a loss for what to wear (oh and I got invited to go about an hour before the event).  In a pinch, I put on a cardigan, donned my glasses, put my hair up and ta-da... Sarah Palin. I fully realize how lame that was that I agreed to go to a costume party and then took the easy way out.

Anyhow after a couple of hours at the costume party watching lots of girls and a few guys dance the hora we decided to move on to another bar.  And it was karaoke night at the bar.  Yes, karaoke night and for some reason we decided to stay. I think it's because there's something so wonderfully painful about watching and listening to other people sing off-beat and out of tune and knowing nonetheless that they are having a great time.

Karakoe though is not really my thing.  I've sung a few times with groups of friends but I have no desire to get up there and belt out a song.  I could probably do it but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be having fun.  I'd much rather watch, judge and sing along from my seat.  But, I'll flip through the song book--who knows maybe this will be the night I see a song and am inspired to sing.<!--more-->

Flipping through the book last night, I noticed that the first page was devoted entirely to Bulgarian karaoke songs--maybe 40 of them and the reminder of the large notebook had English language songs.  I wasn't surprised to see the Bulgarian songs--in fact, I expected it.  What did surprise me was how many of these songs were sung in the hour or more that we were there.

I would guess that Bulgarian songs were sung two to every one English language song. Honestly, I'd heard only one or two of them before but I have to say it was great to be able to read along with the singing.  I didn't know a lot of the words but it's easier to get the idea of the song when you can both read and hear the words being sung.

That's when I thought these two things: 1) why am not learning Bulgarian by singing karaoke? I think that probably you could go out every night in a week to a different karaoke night and learn Bulgarian for free while enjoying a beer.  I am pretty sure that my Bulgarian friends would insist that this would leave you with a laughable vocabulary but still it would be pretty awesome.  And 2) this music isn't so bad--where did chalga come from?

What happened next was completely unexpected.  Sitting in this crowded bar, with friends and drinking a beer, I was overcome with a sense of Heimweh (which is German for homesickness--this idea of an intense longing for home which was first introduced to me in the writings of Nelly Sachs and Else Lasker-Schüler).  Everyone around me is singing at the top of their lungs to these Bulgarian songs--moved by a tune, lyrics and memories that I have no access to.  The words on the screen are in an alphabet that's still strangely foreign to me and I realize just how separate I am.

It was sudden and striking.  One minute I am laughing with friends and the next minute I am overcome by Heimweh for a country, a land and a language that is my own.  And all of this happens during karaoke.  Karaoke--something I've never cared much for.  It's funny the way the world works.

We left when Guitar Hero came out.  This it seems pushes the delusion too far.  It's one thing to think that you can sing but it's a whole different thing to pretend you can play guitar using a video game and a plastic guitar without strings.