One of the biggest challenges living abroad has got to be making friends.  There are a hundred obstacles to overcome. Given this fact, I am now going to boil it down to a few points. I guess the first one is figuring out how to meet people.  Followed by a close second, how to meet people who are interested in the same kinds of things that you are. And finally how to grow fledgling friendships in a country where you don't know the language or the culture let alone what you like and don't like in terms of things to do, restaurants or even places to go out.

I went to coffee with a new expat friend (who found me on my blog--funny how that works) recently and we had a great time talking about Bulgaria, comparing and trading funny stories about work as we're both teachers, and American pop-culture.  We're both about the same age, we've both lived in Bulgaria for a couple of years and it seems like we have similar senses of humor.

Well, we ended up talking about making friends abroad and how difficult it is to make Bulgarian friends.

Interestingly we both have a pretty well developed circle of expat friends but wish that we had more Bulgarian friends. In discussing the issue the language that we used was that it was hard to "get your foot in the door."  It's hard to become part of a group of Bulgarian friends. <!--more-->

In comparison, expat friends are easy-peasy to make.  Clearly this has to do with their situation--expats look for each other because they are in similar situations. They are too are in a strange country where they don't know the place, the people or the language. They don't have friends and are looking for others to share this experience with.  But these aren't always people you'd be friends with at home or in other situations.

Does that make them any less friend? No way. Actually, it's great.  These are people who invite you to do things you might not otherwise do.  Things like theater, opera, rock show, museums, parties, hiking and the like come to mind.

But the question remains, how do you make Bulgarian friends? What's the way in?

The thing is, I am not sure. I have a few good Bulgarian friends who I've met through the Fulbright and friends who are the spouses/partners/girlfriends of expats. But I don't have have a group of Bulgarian friends. I have a hunch that part of the reason is that my Bulgarian isn't great.  This of course is the catch--how can my Bulgarian get better if I don't have Bulgarian friends and how I can I make Bulgarian friends if my Bulgarian isn't very good?

Maybe though this isn't the problem--maybe I don't know to make Bulgarian friends.  In the States, I'd say that we make friends through our existing friends, at work (or graduate school) and the other activities we participate in from book club to volunteering to things like co-ed sports like soccer or kickball. So when your existing friends are expats, you work with expats and the majority of activities you have access to are sponsored by expats, it's difficult at best to break out of this cycle.

So, what's a girl to do?

Well, if I had the answer to that I'd be writing a very different blog post right now.  But I am not.  So I guess the question is three fold. How do you make friends the older you get (when you're no longer friends due to the convenience of being in class with them day in and day out)? How do you make friends who are both expats and locals? And finally how do you do these things with out making yourself feel desperate?

All of this said, I guess the only thing that one can do is to is to be up front and take action.  If you meet someone you want to be friends with you should get their number and then you'd better call them to do something.  It's really no different that when you're little and you're mom is setting up a play date for you. Only rather than having your mom call your friend's mom, you're the one who has to make the call. Then either you'll hit it off or you wont.  I guess on it's most basic level that's what making friends is all about.  So maybe there aren't a hundred obstacles to making new friends abroad.  Maybe there's only one. Overcoming your excuses and calling someone to hang out. I guess in theory it's that easy.