I just got a message via twitter from an expat who just moved to Bulgaria. She wrote to ask me this:
<blockquote>I just wanted to ask what you did to get over the low times you had when you moved here. I am a bit blue.</blockquote>
Oh. This caught my eye even during a busy day at school. I wrote back. How could I not?!
<blockquote>Do something you love. Buy yourself some flowers. Get your camera out and go exploring. It's not easy but it gets better!!</blockquote>
I mean, it's hard to live abroad. It's easy to feel rootless, disconnected and a drift. When you move to a country like Bulgaria it's not very likely that you know the language and you may or may not know anyone.

When I moved here I basically didn't know anyone or anything. I came alone. I knew the Cyrillic alphabet. Sort of. And I kind of knew my numbers 1-20 and a few other greetings. Early on I spent a lot of time speaking to other people in a bizarre-o mix of German and Bulgarian.

It was a huge learning curve and so everyday I came home exhausted but pleased with myself. I'd taken the bus and gone to my language lessons. I'd found what I needed in the shops near my house. I'd ordered coffee for myself in a cafe and got what I wanted. I'd walked around and not gotten lost.

The thing is little by little, I didn't feel so lost anymore.<!--more--> I met some friends through the Fulbright. I made some friends through friends of friends. I went to parties and smiled and I talked to anyone who would talk to me (and probably some people who didn't really want to be talking to me). I struggled to make Bulgarian friends at work (and I still do) but I think that has more to do with our age difference than anything else (and I've taught in two different schools now).

I didn't actively use <a href="http://www.couchsurfing.org/" target="_blank">Couch Surfing</a> to make friends but you easily could. In fact, I think Couch Surfing is great and I certainly don't make enough use of it as a networking/friend building option. There's a monthly party here in Sofia and that's probably the place to start. There's also a group <a href="https://www.triptrotting.com/" target="_blank">Trip Trotting</a> (which seems to be spurred by the same guys who are part of <a href="http://www.freesofiatour.com/" target="_blank">Free Sofia Tours</a>) and is a global network for travelers. I went to their first meet-up and really enjoyed myself. The thing is sometimes it's easier than others to meet people in big groups like these.

So I think my best rule of thumb was basically for a whole year I never say no to anyone. Want to go hiking on Vitosha? Sure. Want to meet for a coffee? Of course. How about going to check out a monastery? Alright. Come over for dinner? Okay. The only offer I haven't actively pursued is going bungee jumping--yes, that's also been offered. But, I am afraid and a girl has got to know her limit.

It's easy to for me to feel less lonely (or blue) when I am spending time with other people. But then again I am an extrovert so that probably isn't surprising. What I found most difficult my first year was that I didn't always have a routine. For the first time in my life, work didn't command my choices and options regarding my free time. One morning about 3 months in, I woke up and I realized: I don't know what I am doing today. I have no plans. I have no commitments. I have nothing to do.

That was a weird, scary feeling for me. Of course, now that I am working in a full-time job one that I miss. But at the time, it made me feel very sad. I thought: well, I've got to options. I could stay in bed or I could get up. I got up and made coffee. Then I decided that I was going out for another coffee. Not because I couldn't have a second coffee at home but because I was doing this for me. So I went out and started doing things for myself and by myself.

I had coffee. I bought myself flowers. I went to museums. I sat in parks and people watched. Most museums in Sofia are eerily empty--something wonderful yet strange after visiting the museums of Western Europe. I read books. I went on walks. And the thing is, I took my camera with me everywhere. Then I wrote about what I saw, what I did, what I thought and what I felt.

I created this blog. All of a sudden, this blog was keeping me accountable. I had people (mostly my MoM and dAd) who read it. The result was that I kept writing it and more and more people started reading it.

So do I still feel lonely or sad? Yes. Of course. From time to time.

It just surprises me a little bit more these days because now, these feelings of loneliness or homesickness sneak up on me. I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine and then bamm. Homesick. The different today is that I have a bigger support network to rely on. I have a better sense of what will make me happy. Sometimes all it takes is a smile on my part (smiles are contagious you know), sometimes it's calling up a sympathetic friend, other times it is making a batch of brownies/chocolate chip cookies/banana bread and sometimes it's curling up with a good book.