For whatever reason, I just read a <a href="http://easyexpat.blogexpat.com/blog/lifestyle/2011/07/27/how-to-battle-culture-shock-and-win" target="_blank">short piece on the stages of culture shock</a>. Yep, I've lived in Bulgaria for three years and I'm reading up on culture shock.

As an ex-pat, I'm vaguely interested in this issue of culture shock. I am aware of both my own culture shock and other people's and for better or worse sometimes find myself annoyed with other people's culture shock. Here's the thing, I know that what's actually annoying me is the complaint. Sometimes incessant complaint.<a class="tt-flickr tt-flickr-Large" title="Lakes and streets" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/29050866@N06/6045169632/"><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6183/6045169632_b4b669ccac_b.jpg" alt="Lakes and streets" width="1024" height="683" /></a>

Still it's often hard for me to separate the complaints which steam from culture shock from the person. I think: Ug, all she (or he) does is complain about life in Bulgaria.

And guess what? Complaining brings me down. I think that there are so many other interesting things to talk about other than complaining or alternately bragging about trips that one has gone on. I don't want to spend a night drinking beer and complaining about the food, the transportation, the stray dogs or the long lines at every administrative building.

The question in my mind is how can I learn to live with foreigners who are experiencing a different level of culture shock than I am? How do I teach myself to recognize that they have a case of culture shock and that this behavior probably does not actually represent who they are?

Well after three years here, I am pretty convinced that I can't help anyone other than myself through the waves of culture shock that descend upon moving to a country like Bulgaria or upon returning after a holiday away.  Everyone has to deal with culture shock in her own way.

For many people this happens through talk--one realizes that they are not alone in their observations of how different Bulgaria is from in my case America. But this kind of talk is often mind numbing for those of us who've lived here for a few years.  I mean if I hear one more discussion about the two Bulgarian cheeses kashkaval and sirene I might scream. Yes, sirene is very similar to Greek feta and I know that pizza isn't quite the same with kashkaval rather than mozzarella.

So what's a girl to do?

I can't very well avoid all new ex-pats until their culture shock has worn off. That would be an impossible task what with a new batch of Fulbrighters each year and forever rotating batch American teachers at school.

Here's my stay-sane strategy.
<ol>
	<li>Be nice to everyone.</li>
	<li>Ask ex-pats that you've just met engaging questions. Maybe you can avoid the complaints by directing the conversation elsewhere.</li>
	<li>Listen to two or three complaints sincerely.</li>
	<li>Offer a specific suggestion for dealing with the complaint be it: Billa generally has a big selection of foreign cheeses or most pizza restaurants will substitute mozzarella cheese on a pizza if you ask. The idea is to help this person discover something new. At least this way you feel helpful.</li>
	<li>Then after you've listened to three complains and offered practical, succinct advice direct the conversation elsewhere. And definitely don't engage in complaining of your own.</li>
	<li>If #5 fails, introduce the new ex-pat to someone else at the party/event/bar.</li>
	<li>Don't write this new person off until you've met him or her at least twice if not three times. Culture shock is a beast and you don't how how long it will take someone to get through the complaining phase. You have to be patient.</li>
	<li>Finally, remember that you were probably just like this person if not worse when you arrived so be kind.</li>
</ol>
The big problem with culture shock it lurks at the edges of your life and often you're not aware of how your culture shock appears to other people. For me now that I've recognized that for many new ex-pats complaint and culture shock are pretty closely linked it's much, much easier for me to excuse this behavior or to look past this behavior in order to get to know someone new.

Sure I complain from time to time but I prefer the complaints of seasoned ex-pats that evoke raucous laughter we've all been there rather than the complaints of freshly minted ex-pats that grow out of disillusionment and frustration. The good news? No one stays a newbie ex-pat forever.