This past summer I was told by a black-Audi-driving dad that his son would carry my suitcase and bag.

He followed this up with the quip: that's what boys are for. I smiled and reluctantly handed my things over. You see in my family, I was taught not to pack more than you can carry. I was also taught: when in Rome, do as the Romans do (which is a pretty good rule of thumb when it comes to living abroad).

I have to admit, it was nice not to carry my bags but I felt a little bad about it.

I later spent some time thinking about the whole situation. We'd just driven from Sofia to summer camp. We'd spent the whole four hour trip wizzing by slower cars, passing them seemingly whenever we felt like it and then zipping back into our lane to avoid on coming traffic and now the son was shlepping my bags around.

And for a moment, I wondered how did I end up here? A place where men drive fast and boys carry bags. And seemingly nobody thinks twice about it.

Cut to this week where I've found myself thinking about, reading about and discussing masculinity and femininity in Bulgaria once again.

Here's what happened. First, based on a novel we've been reading I asked my students to write recently on the question: What does it mean to be masculine in Bulgarian culture? And feminine? Then for the last week (or so) I've been staring at this crazy billboard for Happy Restaurant as I wait to cross the street to go to school each day. Finally, I was asked in <a href="http://www.trud.bg/Article.asp?ArticleId=1110787" target="_blank">an interview for Trud a Bulgarian newspaper</a> the question: what do you think about Bulgarian men?<!--more-->

<strong>At School</strong>

My students had a lot to say about this topic. In my own words, here are the highlights. Bulgarian men are expected to be strong (it's okay to take supplements to achieve this), to make money (ideally a lot of it), and to be the head of their family (and as such to make decisions for his family). Bulgarian women on the other hand should be pretty, nice and raise children. None of this really surprised me because really these are the traditional gender expectations for much of the world.

What surprised me was the way without prompting most of my students connected their examples of what it means to masculine in Bulgaria to Bulgarian history explaining that, these pressures to be strong and to take care of one's family grow directly out of the five centuries of the Ottoman occupation of Bulgaria.

Then I read a lot about how these ideas of masculinity and femininity appear in the lives of my students. Boys included the need to be fit and to play sports as well as the need to occasionally physically defend the school's name by throwing punches while girls discussed the difficulty of of balancing school and their parents expectations. For example, completing their school work while also cleaning their rooms and learning to cook while their bothers watch tv or play video games.

<strong>The Billboard</strong>

Then the day I finished reading my students' writing, I saw this billboard in Mladost. Ug. It's everything I hate about gender stereotyping but at the same time, I think it's uniquely Bulgarian.

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="Happy Restaurant Billboard in Mladost"]<a class="tt-flickr tt-flickr-Medium" title="Happy Restaurant Billboard in Mladost" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/29050866@N06/6322913805/"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6223/6322913805_b0ca9cb9de.jpg" alt="Happy Restaurant Billboard in Mladost" width="500" height="375" /></a>[/caption]

He's got a giant piece of meat on his fork and is actively eating it while she's demurely cutting her food. He's got a spread of food in front of him while she seems to have much less. He's got his elbows out and in her space while her arms are more or less tucked in making space for him.  He's enjoying the food eyes closed or nearly so but she's aware of the fact that she's being watched and is looking directly at the camera.

The Bulgarian take on this whole thing seems to be the man's flowered shirt which is reminiscent of the embroidered shirts men wear as part of the Bulgarian national costume. It's also worth noting that in the V of the shirt's neckline he is also wearing a necklace--a pendant of some sort. Both the necklace and the neckline of the shirt highlight the man's broad chest.

Then there's their hair. She's pretty clearly a fake blond with her hair pretty simply pulled back in a rather unflattering ponytail while he's got a big blond highlighted patch on one side of his head and a lot of work went into his spiky hairdo. They seem to be caricatures of themselves and I guess by extension caricatures of all Bulgarians.

<strong>The Interview</strong>

Finally there was the interview I had for the newspaper Trud. The husband of my Bulgarian tutor I. writes for the newspaper Trud and he asked to interview me for a spotlight in the newspaper. I agreed. Who am I to say no to the husband of my Bulgarian tutor? And as he put it, I've said yes to everyone else and I don't even know them. <em>Good point</em>.

He showed up to school one afternoon last week for the interview. It was crazy afternoon. I was suffering from a cold, I had a group of students meeting in my classroom, I had students who wanted me to look over drafts of their papers and I hadn't had a minute all day to think about the interview. All things considered, that's probably okay.

So I was asked a bunch of standard you're a foreigner in Bulgaria questions. Then came the question, what do you think about Bulgarian men? I just looked at J. and laughed. I told him in Bulgarian: I don't know.

He told me that I. (my Bulgarian tutor) told him to ask me this question. <em>Thanks, I</em>. Then I answered the question.

Basically, I said this: I work with lots of teenage boys and they are quick to laugh and to joke around but the Bulgarian men I know who are my age are much more serious and less quick to laugh and joke around (which I think is sad). Then I talked for a little bit about the way Bulgarian men are quick to offer to carry things for you which in my mind is gentlemanly (but complicated).

That's the thing masculinity is complicated.  Now I am pretty sure that J. wasn't looking for an answer from me about socio-cultural implications of masculinity in Bulgaria. I think that he was more interested in my experience dating Bulgarians but I wasn't really prepared to share any of these stories in a widely read national newspaper.

This is probably because I've found Bulgarian men frustratingly difficult to figure out. It boils down to this: I can't tell if you're just being nice to me or if you're flirting with me. So generally I decide it's safer to assume the first and proceed as such.

So there you have it a wholly unscientific glimpse into masculinity and femininity in Bulgaria and my thoughts on the subject.