I know I've said it before but I'll say it again: man, Balkan Dance is hard. I went back last night for the first time in months. Probably four months. That's when I remembered how hard it is. And how bad I am at it.

Why is it hard do you ask? Well between my feet not doing what I want them to do, the seemingly completely irregular beat of the music and all of the dance directions coming at me in Bulgarian--Bulgarian national dance is difficult. And in addition to the class being difficult, I am not good at it.

I am the kind of not good that it's clear that sometimes people don't want to dance next to me.  <em>Yeah</em>. <!--more-->

I get why. When everyone is going to the right and I am going to the left because I am a step behind, a step off or I simply can't remember the steps--it's probably not that much fun to dance next to me.  For record, sometimes it's not that great for me either. I don't relish being the one who's always off, who's always doing the wrong thing.

<em>Still</em>, I keep going back.

That's probably the funny part. Some people would probably cut their losses and stop going to class. But, I am apparently not one of those people. Because I keep going back.

I've somehow convinced myself that with enough practice, I'll get better. That if I work hard enough at it, at some point I'll get it. To date, this doesn't seem to be the case.

I have really hard time remembering the dance steps. On top of this, nearly every song sounds new to me. This results in probably the biggest problem: I can't really remember the songs and which dance goes with them from class to class.  (And I went twice a week for about six months last year.)

But, maybe this is my year. (Or, maybe not, we'll see.) I try to tell myself that it doesn't matter as long as I'm having fun. This said, sometimes there's a fine line between fun and frustration.