My blog post yesterday was 10 lines long in Bulgarian and I added four sentences in English for my MoM.  This post however garnered at least 11 comments.  Now, I've nearly got more comments than sentences. That says something either about my Bulgarian, my readers or the nature of blogs--or maybe it something about all three.

Anyhow, I've always thought that posting in Bulgarian is pretty innocuous. That I'd write about the things I am studying--which at this point is all pretty basic and that would be that. However it turns out that it's far from that.  I realized this when I read the following comment today in my email and nearly cried: why don’t you have a spellchecker ? And to this person's credit he or she even included a link to a mozilla addon that I could use.

I read the comment and thought: oh. I don't use a spellchecker because I don't have one and I don't think it would help. Then I decided not to approve the comment because I thought it was too mean.  Yes, I thought the comment was too <em>mean</em>.

Maybe it's a sign that I should have had another cup of coffee today, not gotten out of bed or maybe that I am too sensitive.  Then the thought passed through my head, maybe it's not me but the problem inherent in writing a blog.  My life is up for comment and criticism. Or in this case, my Bulgarian is up for comment and criticism.<!--more-->

But what it boils down to is this: it's a humbling thing to let other people have a glimpse at your life and to show in a hundred different ways each day that you're not perfect. Whatever facade once existed no longer does.  Don't get me wrong I am not seeking perfection but I'd like to be good at things I do each day.

Generally I'd say I am not very good each day about always washing my dishes, doing as much exercise as I should and I am not very good at Bulgarian.  So on a whole, I choose not to write blog posts about the things I don't do each day--what's the point of that?

Then I decided to make a New Year's resolution--it was not exercise more or to wash my dishes right after dinner.  It was this: write a post once a week in Bulgarian.  I did it knowing that these things take work and time and that I won't get any better unless I practice so I write these silly and sometimes insipid posts in Bulgarian.

Of course they are riddled with mistakes. I've only been studying the language informally for a year but I do the best that I can.  And I try to use the things that I am learning.  If I didn't do that, what's the point? Still none of this makes it any easier to let other people see these posts and then comment on these mistakes.  None of it makes it any less humbling.  It's hard to put yourself out there in the world knowing that you're not good at what you're attempting but that you're doing it anyway.

The strangest part about this whole thing is that I've never felt the way I did before today and I've written lots of posts which have received more comments and criticism than yesterday's.  And I know, or at least I think, that the comments on yesterday's post are meant to be helpful not make me feel like crying.  Luckily for me, I have a pretty poor short term memory so after 80 minutes of teaching I didn't remember about the comment until later.

So I re-read the tabled comment.  I decided that it's actually a perfectly good one and I approved it then and there.  Then I told myself that I wouldn't get hung up on comments and criticism and that it's okay that my blog post in Bulgarian isn't perfect.  I am trying.  And that in and of itself is a good thing.  I also told myself that could buy myself a coffee at Onda today.  Happily coffee cures many different ailments or at least that's what I believe.

Now, here's the post script, I write many of my blog posts the night before and publish them in the morning before I got to school.  It lets me write, sleep on it, read it again and edit/revise as necessary and the time lets me develop and clarify my ideas.  This morning I find myself struck by the way this post could seem weepy--woe is me, I write these posts in Bulgarian that then garner nearly more comments than the length of the original post.

I am afraid that the most interesting idea (or maybe it's a reflection) is lost. Simply, it's this: my blog is personal in nature and in content but in comparison yesterday's post was extremely impersonal.  So why was the <em>this</em> blog post that made me think--ugg?

Even today, I don't have the answer to that question.  But I do have this to say: every day I am amazed by the number of followers I have on this blog and the kinds of comments I receive from funny to insightful to helpful and even the occasional--wake up, Carolyn you've got it wrong.  I knew when I started this project, that this was what blogging at it's best was about.  What I never imagined was that a year into my adventure I'd have more than 500 views a day on my blog.  And a community of readers who were both American and Bulgarian.

I've got to run to school now so I'll end these ramblings here.  Please keep up with the comments--good, bad and ugly.  They make me a better writer, better observer and thinker and one day maybe even my  Bulgarian will be better because of it.  The art of blogging is an imperfect science and I am still getting the hang of it.  Thanks again for reading the blog and Happy St. Patrick's Day!