I don't have what it takes to drive in Bulgaria.  I've known this for a while but today, I am sharing this with you, my readers.

My parents taught me how to drive when I was 15 1/2 years old. I passed a basic written test and was given a driver's permit.  It was then my parents who taught me everything I know.  We drove circles around the neighborhood, went out to drive on the streets around the airport where there was limited traffic and then we ventured downtown to the busy streets of Walla Walla.  Okay, in hindsight, none of the streets were so busy. I took a driver's education class at my high school and passed with flying colors.

Shortly after I turned 16 I passed another written test and then a driving test and received my driver's license.  That was that, I was driving!! It wasn't glamorous. I was driving a creme Chevy celebrity station wagon which my parents special ordered the year I was in kindergarten.  By the time I started driving it the radio was broken, the left turn signal wouldn't clear itself after a turn, the tailgate wouldn't stay open so there was a broom handle in the back to prop the tailgate open and the review mirror would fall off if you drove over speed bumps without holding onto.  But, I was driving.

The cost of all of this? Well aside from the years I'm pretty sure I shaved off my mother's life, I think the total was probably less than $150.  She taught me how to drive while holding onto the passenger seat armrest--white knuckled. <!--more-->Aside from impact learning how to drive had on my MoM, I think that my permit cost $10 or 12, I have no idea how much the driver's class cost--maybe $100 and the actual license wasn't more than $20.  I don't know how much it cost to insure me as a young driver but whatever it was I think the cost was worth it--they no longer had to serve as my personal chauffeurs--driving me to after school sports practices, picking me up from friends houses and I could drive myself (and my brother) to high school.

So, I've been driving for the past 14 years--cars (and the beloved station wagon of my youth), trucks, vans and even a combine.  Now, I've never owned my own car but driving is one of those skills that once you learn you never forget.  I've driven in cities and the country and after five years living in Washington DC, I am a pro at parallel parking.

This brings me to Bulgaria. Here, I'm terrified of the idea of driving. There don't seem to be many rules.  The few that I can make out follow:
<ul>
	<li>If you can drive faster than the speed limit, do it. If you don't know what the speed limit is because it's not posted or you didn't bother to look for it, try to drive as fast or faster than the cars around you.</li>
	<li>Pedestrians have no rights. No matter where they are, they are in the way. They are a nuisance and probably shouldn't be allowed to cross streets.</li>
	<li>If you think you can make a left turn in front of oncoming traffic, do it.</li>
	<li>Park wherever you can.  If it looks like there is space for your car, it's a parking space. If you need to park on the sidewalk in order for there to be room to park, that's okay.</li>
	<li>Based on the size of your car, it's alright to drive in two lanes at one time.</li>
	<li>Traffic lights are a guide but not a rule.  When in doubt, drive into the intersection. If you get stuck there once the light has changed it's more than acceptable to honk and honk your horn.  Proving it's not your fault that you're preventing other traffic from entering the intersection, but the drivers in front of you.</li>
	<li>Buses, trams and trolleys are your enemies. Do anything and everything you can not to be stuck behind one of these.</li>
	<li>Never, ever show your fear.</li>
</ul>
The thing is, this is not how I learned to drive. It's hyper-aggressive and requires a kind of cunning and deviousness that I do not posses.