You know I understand this. Different circumstances, but things I thought very vividly as we were struggling in wonder if the child we were lucky to conceive as our third would make it through the scary circumstances of my body trying to hurt her. 

I want(ed) a sibling for Benjamin. Not for me. Honestly. I am so grateful I get that experience, too. But it's really for him. He doesn't and may not ever have cousins either. And even if he did, they would be thousands of miles away and only vacation cousins. This is all he's got and I couldn't be more grateful. 

I think you're a fantastic parent. And definitely one worthy of more pink (or blue?) lint.