OK, here's the deal:  Brian won a "Spirit of '76" coloring contest in 1976, and he is bringing that same kick-ass attitude to the hills of West Virginia. Yes, that was 28 years ago, but in that time he has walked several miles, ran to various bathrooms, and ridden my bike to hundreds of bars. The rest of the team? Two words: Bloody awesome. We have spry pole vaulter, Jim, who really knows how to fall. This kid has ridden the same reliable Homegrown hardtail in circles around town, and off insane stunts at the North Shore. And he's sexy. Real sexy. You will follow him off the trail; the trolls will do the rest. We have Keven, who actually knows how to ride hard and fast and fix bikes.And he's tall...really tall, and his mountainbike is a full suspension unicycle. And he can sing any cheesy tune you will ever hear on the generic bike shop radio. Then we have Patrick, who is a bass player and cyclist, wed equally to each (though we suspect he is having a torrid affair with beer and coffee...). He is the most svelt member of a band whose acclaimed tune "You're 2 skinny to F@&$" should tell you something about our size. No, wait...let's be honest. It says a lot about Brian's size. Weighing in at a slender 230 pounds, He punches people who talk about shedding grams from their super-fast bikes. "Oh, your pedals are too heavy? Look at my ass! You know how hard it is hauling that up a hill? No...and you probably don't know what it's like to ride and giggle at the sensation of your tummy, trying to rest comfortably on your lap, flopping side-to-side with each pedal stroke." The only reason Brian does this is because we told him there was a scantily clad young lady with ice cream who will be waiting at the top of the hill.  Boy, he's gonna be in for a surprise.  We heard there was a party at Snowshoe and we're here to crash it.  
OK, let's be serious.  We didn't come to win...we just came to see if we can finish without any of us goin to the hospital.