One day, I was looking through a high fashion magazine and saw a photo of a suave looking bicycle racer guy in obnoxiously tight lycra surrounded by a bunch of super-mega hot chicks. They were all over him, rubbing him, fanning him, and feeding him energy gel right off their nipples. I knew right then and there that I needed to be like him in order to get rad chicks to hang out with me.  So, here I am!