<p>Oh, how I&#39;m starting to miss the days when I didn&#39;t know there was such a creature as a Wonderpet!</p>

<p>You see, even though my oldest son is two years old, I somehow managed to avoid children&#39;s television.&#0160; &quot;He refuses to watch!&#0160; What can I do!&quot;&#0160; I would say as I raised my hands up in the air in mock exasperation and other mothers rolled their eyes behind my back.</p>

<p>This was based on the fact that one time when we were both deliriously sick from a daycare stomach virus (need I tell you that it is the worst kind to get?) and I was desperate for a break I turned on the television mid-morning and saw that the Teletubbies were on.&#0160; &quot;Aha!&quot;&#0160; I thought, &quot;if I remember correctly, these creatures have a hypnotic effect on drag queens*.&#0160; They should work on a toddler.&quot;</p>



<p>They didn&#39;t.&#0160; And thus, I thought I was free from children&#39;t television forever - and I was, until I brought my second baby home and I had to breastfeed him.&#0160; My first was not amused by this.&#0160; He was jealous.&#0160; He tried to nurse on my shoulder.&#0160; I had to distract him or walk around with a hickey on my arm - so I turned on the TV.&#0160; There was a little girl with a football-shaped head and a vacuous expression on her face.&#0160; There was a monkey at her side.&#0160; And people, he was naked except for a pair of red boots.&#0160; I should have turned off the TV right then and there.</p>

<p>&quot;Dora!&quot;&#0160; exclaimed my son.&#0160; He sat down and watched, and because I was in the middle of nursing, I was forced to do the same.&#0160; </p>

<p>I do not like Dora.&#0160; Dora is a bossy little tirant.&#0160; SNL totally nailed it on this sketch:</p>

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<p>What I don&#39;t know is how my son knew who Dora is.&#0160; Osmosis maybe?</p>

<p>Then we watched the Wonderpets.&#0160; They&#39;re creepy - they&#39;re like moving paper dolls that can&#39;t pwonounce their Rs.&#0160; Their &quot;Teamwork!&quot; song makes my ears bleed.&#0160; And you know what?&#0160; They&#39;re supposed to annoy you!&#0160; It&#39;s true!&#0160; It says so right there on the Nick Jr.&#0160; site:</p>

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<blockquote><p><a href="http://www.nickjr.com/shows/wond_parents/wond_about.jhtml">
Like real preschoolers, these three unlikely heroes don&#39;t have any
actual super powers, but by working together they can conquer any
obstacle: &quot;What&#39;s gonna work? Teamwork!&quot;...<strong>Each episode is like a mini-opera with dialog often sung to an
original score by some of Broadway&#39;s top composers.</strong></a></p></blockquote><p>&#0160;</p>

<p>Did you read that?&#0160; Each episode is a mini-opera!&#0160; Sung by <u>toddlers</u>!&#0160; </p>

<p>What&#39;s gonna give mommy a headache?&#0160; TEAMWORK!</p>

<p>At least there&#39;s Sesame Street.&#0160; I like Grover.&#0160; He&#39;s clever, that Grover, AND he speaks without using contractions.&#0160; I understand...it&#39;s a hard habit to break.<br /> </p>

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<p><em></em></p>

<p>&quot;I mean that hairwise, you are...somewhat...challenged.&quot;&#0160; Ha!&#0160; He cracks me up.</p>

<p><em>*OK, here&#39;s the backstory:&#0160; I know that they work on drag queens because I once went to a party where one of the roommates was a flight attendant and drag queen.&#0160; Unbeknownst to me, my friend David was a catty jerk.&#0160; &quot;Ladies!&quot;&#0160; he said to a roomful of, uh, guys: &quot;I brought a girl!&#0160; A </em><em>real one.&quot;&#0160; Funny!&#0160; Except the host was not amused.&#0160; You do not want a six foot-tall guy in platform heels and a red bouffant snarling at you.&#0160; You just don&#39;t.&#0160; So I complimented him on his eye makeup - which was truly spectacular.&#0160; And then I joined the other &quot;girls&quot; who were sitting on the couch, watching Teletubbies at 3 AM.&#0160; Of course, their interest may have been piqued by the sparkly beverages being served.&#0160; Who knows?&#0160; All I know is that I sometimes miss South Beach in the late 90&#39;s.&#0160; It was fun.</em></p>

<p><em>****************</em></p>

<p>I guess it&#39;s official.&#0160; The fact that I have opinions on children&#39;s TV makes me a mother.&#0160; What makes you a mother? Check out <a href="http://parentbloggers.com/">Parentbloggers</a> and <a href="http://www.lightiris.com/">LightIris</a> for their Mother&#39;s Day contests.</p>
