We've just returned from our summer trip to sunny Miami. Now, you might wonder why on earth we'd head to South Florida in the summer,  but please don't worry -- we made it just in time for the Olympics, which means that we spent a lot of time indoors watching incredibly fit people do incredibly fast things. While we sat on the couch.

(Aside: I can't possibly be the only person who felt super fit after marathon sessions of athlete ogling? I could have sworn that my abs were tightening as I watched hours and hours of swimming and volleyball. I was starting to convince myself that this was really happening -- I even have a name for it, Bystander Fitness ™, which is kind of brilliant, right? -- but now we're on week two and I'm pretty sure the bigger numbers on the scale are less due to muscle mass and more to increased hummus and chip consumption. While sitting on the couch. But it was nice while it lasted. Anyway!)

So I watched so much NBC in the last few days that I've started to dream about the Olympics. To my complete surprise I wasn't dreaming of our boys in the American Swimming team:

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(Seriously, what is wrong with me?)

Instead I dreamt of a gymnast. And it wasn't even our hometown girl, Aly Raisman, or her smiling, adorable Fabulous Five teammates.

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I probably didn't dream of them because I'll be there when our small town throws a parade or some other wholesome celebration to celebrate our very own gold medalist.

So there's no need to dream, maybe?

Instead, I dreamt of fierce Russian star Aliya Mustafina.

<a href="http://www.everydaytreats.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/tumblr_m83er5scSz1qm0fgo-copy.jpeg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-4022" title="tumblr_m83er5scSz1qm0fgo copy" src="http://www.everydaytreats.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/tumblr_m83er5scSz1qm0fgo-copy.jpeg" alt="" width="400" height="300" /></a>

More specifically I dreamt that Aliya and I went out for drinks (I don't remember what -- maybe milkshakes, since she's probably like 15 years old?)* and we had a fabulous time. Hey, this is a dream, so it could happen.

*(Then again she's Russian, so maybe vodka shots?)

In my dream, Aliya was lovely. We chatted, though not about the swimmers (to my dismay) because of course she's too serious for that. <a href="http://www.aliyamustafina.ru/english/fearlesseyes.html">"The <em>boys</em> in my life <em>will</em> appear when they do,"</a> she has said. Wow. I love her confidence.

Despite NBC's storyline, this girl isn't a villain, just a young girl that can do amazing things under immense pressure.

I mean, look! She can smile:

<a href="http://www.everydaytreats.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/700.jpeg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-4021" title="700" src="http://www.everydaytreats.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/700.jpeg" alt="" width="350" height="300" /></a>

She just chooses not to. (And would probably cut me if we were Facebook friends and I dared tag that photo.)

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<p style="text-align: center;"><em>What are you DOING? Untag me IMMEDIATELY!</em></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">In my dream, I asked Aliya for her advice. (You can tell this is a dream because I'm asking a teenager for advice.) (Also, because we were speaking in English. I'm sure she speaks at least some English, because learning English isn't particularly special or exotic, but I just get the feeling that she's the type to pretend to not speak English just to mess with you. I think you know what I mean.)</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">First, I wanted to know how to do eye makeup like her. She took a look at my weak attempt at eye makeup and laughed in my face. Apparently, I'm completely hopeless. No surprise there.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">I asked her to teach me how to give bitchface. Because, by God, she is the Queen and I'm in desperate need of that skill.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Those of you that know me know that I'm a very <a href="http://www.everydaytreats.com/2012/03/on-mr-rogers-and-honesty-and-kindness-everyday-tip-74.html">nice person</a> (and <a href="http://www.everydaytreats.com/2011/03/it-takes-strength-to-be-kind.html">very proud of that fact</a>) and that it shows on my face. I can't help it! My usual expression is that of a content puppy.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.everydaytreats.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/smile-puppy.jpeg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-4040" title="smile puppy" src="http://www.everydaytreats.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/smile-puppy.jpeg" alt="" width="332" height="277" /></a></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Trust me, I'm not complaining. Most of the time, my happy demeanor and face serve me well. People like happy people, and when you look nice, people put their guard down. That means that they're usually nice, and sometimes, it means that people have low expectations of you -- like that you can't possibly be smart or competitive because you're obviously nice and the two things are like oil and water. Of course that's not true, so I sometimes take advantage of that.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">What? Listen, I'm nice, but I'm certainly not stupid. I can appreciate the power of good bitchface. It can come in so handy in everyday life; like when you don't want crazy people sitting next to you on the T or someone is boring you with yet another story about their <em>ahmazing</em> toddler or whatever.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">I guess I must have won her over with my nice face (score!) because Dream Aliya told me the secret three step process of good bitchface.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>DREAM ALIYA SECRETS TO PROPER BITCHFACE. (IN MY DREAMS)</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">First, you think of hateful things. (I thought of driving on the Mass Pike. Massholes!)</p>
<img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-4028" title="tumblr_m8cr26Xj151rxga3jo1_500" src="http://www.everydaytreats.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/tumblr_m8cr26Xj151rxga3jo1_500.jpeg" alt="" width="500" height="321" />

Then, you relax your face completely, while keeping the hateful thoughts in your soul. (Don't worry, it'll show through your eyes.)

<img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-4043" title="ah4X8" src="http://www.everydaytreats.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/ah4X8.jpeg" alt="" width="550" height="367" />
<p style="text-align: left;"> The result? Eyes that cut glass, and not one hint of whether you are happy or angry or indifferent. Except for those eyes. Which will terrify whoever crosses their path.</p>
<img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-4025" title="tumblr_m85qj9L7c11qailtxo1_500" src="http://www.everydaytreats.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/tumblr_m85qj9L7c11qailtxo1_500.jpeg" alt="" width="500" height="334" />

God, I can't help it. I adore her magnificent bitchface.

(This is so pathetic. You know how <em>Yesterday</em> came to Paul McCartney in a dream? I waste my brains most creative powers on eye makeup and bitchface. This is why I'm not supremely successful, friends. Don't waste your dreams!)