<p>Part 1 is <a href="http://diary.blogs.com/the_diary_of_a_reluctant_/2007/07/how-to-travel-a.html">here</a>.</p>

<p><strong>5.&#0160; Get Your Act Together</strong>

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<p>Listen, I know that having two kids is exhausting and that there&#39;s only so much you can do to keep your kids from screaming while on the plane.&#0160; I know.&#0160; But that&#39;s no excuse to just give up - you HAVE to be &quot;on&quot; at all times.&#0160; This means that you have to dress decently for the flight (you don&#39;t have to wear heels or anything, but please leave the pajamas at home.&#0160; Seriously.)&#0160; It also means that your kids, both of them, are <u>your</u> responsibility.&#0160; Don&#39;t let them wander off and bother the other passengers.&#0160; Don&#39;t expect others to do things for you.&#0160; </p>

<p>I promise you that if people see that are you doing everything in your power to maintain control of the situation, they WILL help.&#0160; People (usually other mothers but even tattooed teenage boys might surprise you) will offer to entertain the older child while you nurse the baby.&#0160; They&#39;ll find a spork for you (did you know they keep them behind the counter nowadays?&#0160; First cold medicine and now plastic eating utensils...yet, strangely I don&#39;t feel any safer while you travel.).</p>



<p>And this is where I give a thousand virtual kisses to all the kind strangers that helped us out on our trip.&#0160; There really are a lot of awesome people out there.&#0160; </p>

<p>You bet I&#39;ll never ignore another human traveling alone with kids ever again.&#0160; </p>

<p><strong>6.&#0160; Be Assertive</strong></p>

<p>As nice as people can be, sometimes they don&#39;t think to help.&#0160; It&#39;s classic bystander effect - in groups of people everyone assumes someone else will surely help and in the end nobody does.&#0160; Don&#39;t let this happen to you.&#0160; Pick someone and ask for help when you really need it.</p>

<p>Case in point:&#0160; When I got on the plane and made it all the way back to row 24, I was faced with buckling in two kids and a carry on and only having two hands.&#0160; How could I possibly manage?&#0160; I turned to a woman who was clearly thinking the same thing and asked her &quot;would you hold my baby, please?&quot;&#0160; I never, ever thought I would be saying this to a total stranger, but you know, desperate times.</p>

<p>You know what happened?&#0160; Two other passengers (one a 10 year-old kid) reached out their hands, eager to help.&#0160; It&#39;s OK to ask.&#0160; My chosen victim seemed shocked at first, but good-naturedly held Ben while I buckled in Sebastian and put my carry-on away.&#0160; She also offered to hold the baby again when we landed.</p>

<p><strong>7.&#0160; Flight Attendants Are Evil.&#0160; </strong></p>

<p>Have you noticed a theme here?&#0160; Most people are pretty nice, as long as they don&#39;t make a living in the travel industry.</p>

<p>Sure, I travel a lot and have met many wonderful and professional flight attendants.&#0160; The ones on this particular flight, however, were vicious and did their best to not only ignore me, but to make everybody&#39;s trip a living hell.&#0160; When I asked for apple juice, I handed the flight attendant a sippy cup to pour it in.&#0160; I thought I was being helpful.&#0160; She handed the sippy cup back to me, empty, then she handed me a can of apple juice AND a cup filled with ice.&#0160; I was holding an infant and my toddler&#39;s tray table was full of toys I&#39;d brought on board to distract him.</p>

<p>&quot;I don&#39;t need the cup with ice, thanks&quot; I said as I tried to open the can of apple juice and fill the sippy cup while balancing the baby in my arms.</p>

<p>&quot;You have to take it! I, DON&#39;T. HAVE. A. PLACE. TO. PUT. IT.&quot;&#0160; she barked.&#0160; I looked at her and the beverage cart she was pushing (you know, the one where they keep the cups and the ice?) and smiled sweetly at her,&#0160; &quot;then I guess it&#39;ll have to wait until it&#39;s time for you to pick up the garbage!&#0160; It&#39;ll be here waiting for you!&quot;</p>

<p>At least I wasn&#39;t the guy sitting in row 22 who got a beverage cart rammed into his elbow.&#0160; Ouch.</p>

<p><strong>8.&#0160; Dora, In Excelsis Diego</strong></p>

<p>A portable DVD player loaded up with Diego DVDs will save you.&#0160; Bring it out about an hour into the flight (after the excitement of being on a plane has worn off) and you&#39;re set.&#0160; Oh, and buy a cheap one, because your toddler will keep inserting and removing the DVD and if you&#39;re going to worry about him breaking it, well that takes all the fun out of it, doesn&#39;t it?</p>

<p><strong>9.&#0160; Snacks.&#0160; Snacks.&#0160; And More Snacks.</strong></p>

<p>Did I mention snacks?&#0160; Because you should bring snacks.&#0160; And bring the good stuff.&#0160; This is not the time for tofu chips.</p>

<p><strong>10.&#0160; Deplaning.&#0160; Or, Revenge is Sweet.</strong></p>

<p>

Fight the urge to make a mad dash for the exit.&#0160; You will be much happier if you wait until everyone is gone.&#0160; The kids can watch the bags being unloaded, everyone will wave at your &quot;amazingly well-behaved&quot; kids, and you will have time to pick up all the crap you needed to entertain the kids during the flight.</p>

<p>Also?</p>

<p>The flight attendants can&#39;t leave you on the plane.&#0160; So they will suddenly become EXTREMELY helpful, and you will have six assistants helping you out of the gate.&#0160; One will hold your toddler, the other will carry your bags, and the witch who had no room for her stupid cup with ice?&#0160; She&#39;ll assemble your stroller for you AND buckle the baby in for you.</p>

<p>All in the name of getting the hell out of there.</p>

<p>So take your time, make them work, and congratulate yourself on having survived the journey.
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