<p><a href="http://www.diaryofalatebloomer.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/PB100181.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-1845" title="OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA" src="http://www.diaryofalatebloomer.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/PB100181-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>A couple of months ago on my birthday, Elaine aka Laney surprised me with a bunch of magazines on my birthday.  And I do mean a <em>bunch.  </em></p>

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<p>This was truly a treat, as I never buy magazines.  Mainly because I never park it on my sofa long enough to look at them. </p>

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<p>I set the magazines aside for a rainy day. </p>

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<p>Or...change in plans:  a sick night! </p>

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<p>Remember last week when this sickie-poo forced herself to observe <strong><a href="http://www.diaryofalatebloomer.com/2010/11/05/day-39-its-shooshing-time/" target="_blank">Shooshing Time</a></strong>? </p>

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<p>I should have listened to my own advice more than once because now I am combating a raging sinus infection.  I feel like complete and utter crap! </p>

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<p>On Day 45, since I was too nauseous for anything but parking it on my sofa, I hauled out the magazines.  Laney and I recently discussed our desires for a wardrobe makeover, so I hunted for fashion tips.  What's "in", what's "out", and all that stuff. </p>

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<p>I immediately became sidetracked by the soft porn that is Cosmo.  I haven't looked at a Cosmo in <em>years</em>, so I forgot about its cheesiness factor.  Allow me to share:</p>

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<ul>
	<li><span style="color: #ff00ff;"><strong>"Untamed Va-jay-jays!  Guess What Sexy Style is Back!"</strong></span>  For reals, Cosmo?  How very retro of you!  Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!  And are we seriously still using the term "Va-jay-jay"?!?!  Isn't that infinitely more embarrassing and ridiculous than just saying "vagina"?!?!  </li>
	<li><span style="color: #ff00ff;"><strong>"Guy Sex Confessions:  37 Things He Doesn't Have the Balls to Tell You!"</strong>  </span>I prefer a man with cajones, so I skipped over this one.  If you must know the 37 things, write me and I'll send you a copy of the article.  </li>
	<li><span style="color: #ff00ff;"><strong>"Seduce Him!  This Sexy Move Works From 20 Feet Away!"</strong></span>  I turned to this article because I thought it might be blog fodder if it's not too NC-17.  Bingo!  It IS blog fodder.  I will have to schedule this one in.  Basically, it's a "strut", ladies.  This is your new mantra:  "Shoulders, hips, heels".  Actually, Brettesy performs this beautifully.  I'll ask her if she'll be a sport and allow me to post a video demonstration.  Vote "Yes for Brettesy!" in the comment section below if you would like to watch her strut her stuff.  </li>
	<li><strong><span style="color: #ff00ff;">"The Touch That Calms Him During a Fight"</span>  </strong>I want a lover, not a fighter.  Next!</li>
	<li><span style="color: #ff0000;"><strong>"Red-Hot Read:  Forbidden Fling"</strong></span> -- "Erica Donelson is crushing on a smoking-hot bad boy.  The only problem?  The pantie-melting object of her desire is none other than her ex-husband's former best friend."  Bwhahahahahahaha!!!  Is it really "forbidden" if it's your ex's former friend?  Huh?  And pantie-melting???   Are they the edible kind from Fascinations?  Bwhahahahahahahaha!!!!  I went ahead and read the short story because I needed to for journalistic purposes.  Pretty tame/lame, if you ask me.  Do you find the term "rock hard member" sexy???  Bwhahahahahahahahahaha!!!!  </li>
</ul>

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<p>Ah, well...I suppose Cosmo is not so much soft porn but comedy.  And laughter is the best medicine after all. </p>

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<p>I think I'm feeling better already. </p>

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