<p>Once upon a time not so long ago, I churned out a few books.</p>

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<p>Naturally, two are children's picture books inspired by my students from my teaching days.</p>

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<p>One showcases my signature "technique" that I developed in the classroom to calm the unruly masses.  (Schools and parents should be knocking down my door for this one.)</p>

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<p>The last one spoofs my foray into Internet dating which wasn't funny at the time but is a hoot-a-minute in this book.</p>

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<p><strong><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #008000;">ALL single women contemplating Internet dating should consult me IMMEDIATELY. </span></span></strong></p>

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<p>For those of you who haven't written a book before, here's a rundown of the artistic process:</p>

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<p>The muse strikes!  Hallelujah!  The heavens open and the angels sing!</p>

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<p>You lock yourself up in your house (or an indie coffeehouse) and write, write, write in a flurry of creativity.  Your heart races from too many shots of espresso the excitement of</p>

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<p>Your friends and family humor you by "proofing" your work.  Everyone thinks you are destined to be a Real Writer.</p>

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<p>You are ready to enlist the expertise of a literary agent.  You study many books and websites to educate yourself on how to do this right.  You have one shot, and you better make it your best.</p>

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<p>You draft a query letter to capture the agent's attention and imagination.  You send it off and...</p>

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<p>Crickets.</p>

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<p>Weeks later, you may receive a thank-you-but-no-thank-you form letter.  If you're lucky, you may receive the kinder, gentler rejection with a personalized note.  But most of the time it's...</p>

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<p>Crickets.</p>

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<p>When you're a former drama dork like me, you're used to rejection from auditions.  You don't take rejection personally.  Your work is simply not what they are looking for at this time.</p>

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<p>Now, if I could only apply this thick skin when it comes to men.  But I digress...</p>

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<p>I've received only 15 - 20 agent rejections in my day, so no big whoop.  The dreamer in me will always try again.</p>

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<p>Which is exactly what I did on Day 135.  This time, I sent an "exclusive submission" which means that I receive "priority review".</p>

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<p>Are you there, Literary Agent?  It's me, Michelle.</p>

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<p>I can't think of anyone more qualified to write children's books than someone who spent 16 years of blood, sweat and tears with thousands of your "target market".</p>

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<p>And I know you don't have time or money to market my book, so let me help you out there, too.  For the last 12 years of my teaching career, I literally sang for my supper.  Schools and parents paid me very well to assume the role as The Second Coming of Mary Poppins.</p>

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<p>So, yes, I can lead one <em>hell </em>of an assembly and sell a<em> sh**load</em> of books.  (I promise not to cuss once in the school building. )</p>

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<p>What do you</p>