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[caption id="attachment_1485" align="alignnone" width="198" caption="I originally had the photo of The Shining twins here. And it freaked me out so badly that I replaced it with something generic. It&#39;s true! :-o"]<a href="http://media.photobucket.com/image/horror%20movie/Edge19/Horror%20Movies/HorrorMovieLogo.jpg?o=194"><img class="size-full wp-image-1485 " title="HorrorMovieLogo" src="http://www.diaryofalatebloomer.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/HorrorMovieLogo.jpg" alt="" width="198" height="81" /></a>[/caption]

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<p>It's time to play <em><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Name That Horror Flick! </span></strong></em></p>

<p><strong><em> </em></strong> </p>

<p><em><strong> </strong></em></p>

<p><span style="color: #333399;"><strong><span style="color: #003366;">"Ch-ch-ch!  Kill, kill, kill!  Ch-ch-ch!  Kill, Kill, Kill!"</span></strong></span> *</p>

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<p><span style="color: #808000;"><strong>"Have you checked the children?" </strong></span>+</p>

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<p><span style="color: #ff0000;"><strong>"REDRUM!!!  REDRUM!!!"</strong> </span> ^</p>

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<p>When I was a teenager, I lived for horror flicks.  <em>Friday the 13th, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street</em>...I saw them all. </p>

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<p>Once I was living on my own, I wanted no part of them.  It's one thing to get totally creeped out and then sleep soundly knowing that your Dad is in the next room.  It's another thing to get scared out of you mind and then go to bed alone in a completely quiet house. </p>

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<p>About 5 years ago, as I flipped through channels, I came across <em>Halloween II.  </em>I was nostalgically drawn in.  I then woke up at 2 a.m. seeing Mike Myers at the foot of my bed. </p>

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<p>"Never again!", said I. </p>

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<p><strong>Until recently, when my blog Svengali double dog dared me to watch a horror movie during Halloween week.  Alone.  In my house.  Uh-oh. </strong></p>

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<p>"No way, no how," I told Svenny. </p>

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<p>"But you asked people to suggest ideas for the blog.  Watching a horror movie alone is my idea!" </p>

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<p>It's true.  I welcome your ideas, dear reader.  I even showcase a handy template where you can submit your ideas for my 365 project on this site.  [If you would like to do so now, kindly click <strong><a href="http://www.diaryofalatebloomer.com/submit-a-365-idea/" target="_blank">Your Wish is My Command (sort of)</a></strong>]<strong>  </strong>The only two ideas that I have completely ruled out are skydiving and free diving with sharks.  So in the scheme of things, I can handle a horror flick.  Alone.  Without a warm body to protect me when things go bump in the night.</p>

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<p>Ugh. </p>

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<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><span style="color: #ff9900;">You gotta live up to a double dog dare. </span></strong></span></p>

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<p>In the spirit of Halloween, I wanted this week's bloggy adventures to be Halloweenie in nature.  With 7 slots to fill, I decided that I better suck it up and watch the horror flick solo. </p>

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<p>I turned on my cable's ON DEMAND channel and noticed that their Horror movie menu was quite extensive this month.  I <em>really</em> wanted to watch the original <em>Friday the 13th</em>, but with that one nowhere in sight, I decided that (and I feel ridiculous for verbalizing this) <em><strong>Freddy vs. Jason</strong> </em>would be my best bet for both campy and scary. </p>

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<p>In the spirit of Your Wish is My Command, I emailed  Svenny and asked him to take a look at the Horror movie menu and get back to me with 3 choices.  I hinted that <em>Freddy vs. Jason </em>might be a good fit hoping that he would find it sufficiently slasherific and therefore <strong>NOT PICK </strong><em><strong>THE SHINING!!!</strong>  </em>The ghostly twins do me in every time.  No way, no HOW could I watch <em>The Shining</em> alone! </p>

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<p>Svenny's reply surprised me.  "We need to go to the theatre to see <em>Paranormal Activity 2!"</em> </p>

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<p>At first, I almost blurted back, "But Day 30 involves watching a scary movie home alone!  That's the whole point!" </p>

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<p><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #ff9900;"><strong>And then I got smart.</strong> </span></span></p>

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<p>Stupid, stupid girl.  WhatEVER are you thinking?!  Watching slasher flick home alone vs. watching ghost movie with member of the opposite sex who is easy on the eyes and has big biceps to grab onto when you get scared. </p>

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<p>As I said, I got smart. </p>

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<p>Svenny picked me up at 7.  One of my former students whom I taught when he was in kindergarten sold us our tickets.  Now THAT'S frightening!</p>

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<p>We took to our seats and Svenny asked, "Have you and I been to a movie together yet?" </p>

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<p>I coquettishly reminded him, "No, we haven't.  Are you going to try to make out with me during the movie?"</p>

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<p>Svenny gazed deep into my eyes and announced, "I just ate Chinese food!" </p>

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<p>Oh, Svennkyins.  Your honeyed words are more than a girl's heart can bear! </p>

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<p>As Svenny corrected himself and rambled on that he actually ate "Lean Cuisine" -- and he relayed this information while scarfing down a gigantic pretzel -- my mind wandered to Jim, a guy I dated briefly a few years prior. <br class="spacer_" /> </p>

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<p><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #800080;"><strong><span style="color: #ff9900;">Jim looked like he stepped off the cover of <em>Men's Health</em>.</span></strong> </span></span> <br class="spacer_" /></p>

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<p>He possessed both body and brains.  He was a rocket scientist or something like that for a Big &amp; Famous Company. </p>

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<p>Anywho, Jim's perfect body turned out to be just one facet of his perfect life.  His bachelor pad was cleaner than a hospital.  His car looked like it was detailed every weekend.  He lined up his athletic shoes -- one pair for each day of the week -- perfectly in his home gym. </p>

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<p>For our 5th date, Jim invited me to his house for dinner.  He cooked perfectly healthy burritos.  Jim made his with onions. </p>

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<p>At the end of the evening, he walked me to my car, and as with the previous 4 dates, hugged me goodbye.  (My mother insisted he was gay, but I thought that he might just be a shy rocket scientist or something like that.  Women often make excuses for 6-pack abs.)</p>

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<p>I couldn't help myself.  I inquired, "Jim, are you<em> ever</em> going to kiss me?"</p>

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<p>To which he replied, "But Michelle!  I JUST ATE ONIONS!!!" </p>

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<p>And that's how I knew Jim and I were not a match. </p>

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<p><strong><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #ff9900;">Jim is the kind of guy who, when you roll over in bed in the morning ready to romp, will fly out of bed to brush his teeth first. </span></span></strong></p>

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<p>Goodbye, Jim!</p>

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<p>But Svennykins and I are just friends.  So I expected some sort of joke as a response from him. </p>

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<p>The lights dimmed, and I sank into my theatre seat. </p>

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<p>I rarely watch TV, so I was unfamiliar with the <em>Paranormal Activity</em> commercials that everyone in the greater Phoenix-Scottsdale area has apparently seen.  Therefore, I didn't know what the heck this movie was about. Except paranormality (if that's a word).   And I  DIDN'T know that it was filmed <em>Blair Witch </em>style with moving cameras that made me motion sick within the first two minutes of the film. </p>

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<p><strong><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #808000;">Bleck. </span></span></strong></p>

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<p>Equally upsetting was the unveiling of the dog in the film's initial moments.  I knew right then that the dog was destined for disaster, and I cannot handle doggie deaths in movies.  I'd rather see Jason slash an idiot teenager's throat than see an innocent canine at the hands of the bad guy. </p>

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<p>And.  The.  Film.  Was.  S-L-O-W.  <em>Painfully</em> slow. </p>

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<p>I also learned that this movie doesn't involve your ordinary run-of-the-mill ghosts, but evil demons.  Which I refuse to discuss any further because I believe in living in the light. </p>

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<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #ff9900;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #ff9900;">What kind of freakazoids spend months and years of their lives developing and filming this stuff?  Now THAT'S scary!</span></span></span></span></p>

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<p>In a nutshell:</p>

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<ul>
	<li>Slower than molasses </li>
	<li>Sickening (from motion sickness, not from gore)</li>
	<li>Cute toddler (who is the victim of freakazoid's demented plot)</li>
	<li>The real hero of the film, the sweet and obedient German Shepherd, is the first to "get it".  Bastards.  </li>
	<li>No gore</li>
	<li>No gratuitous sex scenes</li>
</ul>

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<p><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #ff9900;">Horrors!  They just don't make them like they used to. </span></span></p>

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<p>On our way out, Svenny and I agreed that the movie wasn't scary.  Nope.  Startling at points, but certainly not scary. </p>

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<p>And then he dropped me off at home.  Alone. </p>

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<p>Ugh. </p>

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<p>The house was eerily silent.  Great timing for my broken SoundDock.  No music for me to break the silence.  Except...</p>

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<p>I remembered the music channels on TV that I never use!  Feeling shaken by the "dark stuff" that I refuse to further discuss, the Christian channel seemed like the most logical choice.  Yep.  I BLARED Jesus throughout every corner of my house.  Worked like a charm. </p>

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<p>Until bed.  When I needed to turn off the TV. </p>

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<p>I hate to admit this, but before bed, I carried my phone with me throughout the house as I checked every closet.  How silly is that?  What if something had jumped out at me?  "Pardon me, Boogeyman, but could you please give me a sec while I call Svenny?  He lives right down the street and can be here in a flash!" </p>

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<p>I took an allergy pill to knock me out, and I slept like a wee babe. </p>

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<p>No more horror movies for me until my next cohabitation.  No way, no how. </p>

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<p>Answers to <strong><em><span style="font-size: medium;">Name That Horror Flick!</span></em></strong></p>

<p><strong><em> </em></strong> </p>

<p><em><strong>*  <span style="color: #003366;">Friday the 13th.</span></strong>  </em>All 50 of them. </p>

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<p>+  <em><strong><span style="color: #808000;">When a Stranger Calls.</span></strong>  </em>This is another one that you couldn't pay me to watch alone.</p>

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<p>^  <em><strong><span style="color: #ff0000;">The Shining</span></strong></em></p>

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