<p>If the slogan of the Real Estate business is, &ldquo;Location, Location, Location,&rdquo; then the catchphrase for having a great cruise should be, &ldquo;Attitude, Attitude, Attitude.&rdquo;</p>
<p><br />Most of the things I recommend, for getting the most enjoyment out of a cruise, could apply to any vacation, but they are, particularly, important on a ship.</p>
<p><br />The most important rule has two parts;<br />1) Don&rsquo;t sweat the small stuff.<br />2) Everything, short of sinking, is &ldquo;small stuff.&rdquo;</p>
<p><br />Stuff happens.</p>
<p><br />It, also, seems that the attitude of the passenger is reflected by the crew. A friendly, happy attitude is usually returned.</p>
<p><br />For reasons a little complicated to go into, we cruise with a small, stuffed, raccoon. His name is &ldquo;Browie,&rdquo; short for &ldquo;Broward.&rdquo; Browie usually stays in the cabin, and seldom ventures out.</p>
<p><br />When we sailed on the Caribe I, we had an assigned table for six, but only five people at the table. One day, at lunch, I decided that Browie would join us, and sit in the empty chair. I walked into the dining room carrying Browie, walked over to the table and sat him in the chair.</p>
<p><br />The maitre d&rsquo;, Dean, had apparently spotted me as I walked in, and was right behind me, when I reached the table. After placing Browie in his seat and getting comfortable in mine, Dean handed me a lunch menu, and put a children&rsquo;s menu in front of Browie&hellip;.</p>
<p><br />Because the Britanis&rsquo; 5-day cruise visited Mexico, the on-board band was comprised of 4 Mariachis, instead of the usual steel pan or calypso band.</p>
<p><br />One of the &ldquo;nice touches&rdquo; was the band roaming through the dining room, at dinner, and serenading the passengers at their tables. They took requests, and, of course, accepted tips.</p>
<p><br />On one of my earlier Britanis cruises, the Mariachis reached my table, and asked if we had any requests. Without thinking I said, &ldquo;Do you know Hava Negilah?&rdquo; Everyone at the table began to laugh at the preposterous remark. The laughter not only continued, but became even more raucous when the Mariachis busted into one of the most unusual versions of Havah Negilah I have ever heard, lyrics and all, done in Mariachi style&hellip;</p>
<p><br />Of course, they earned a very nice gratuity that evening! So nice, that every time I sailed on the Britanis, and the Mariachis would recognize me in the dining room, they would walk over and, once again, explode into a rousing Havah Negilah.</p>
<p><br />One of my cruises was aboard the Zenith. I boarded the ship, and went to my cabin, to check it out. On the way to our cabin, I passed a woman, in the passageway, who was carrying a bottle of wine. I nodded, and smiled&hellip;</p>
<p><br />I got to the cabin, and sat down to relax. I had left the door open, for no particular reason. A few moments later, the &ldquo;Wine Lady,&rdquo; from the passageway, walked into my room, and began yelling at me, in French. I recognized it as French, but, unfortunately, did not speak it.</p>
<p><br />I soon gathered that she thought, for some reason, that I was in her cabin. I took out my ticket, pointed to the Cabin Number on the ticket, walked over to the door and pointed to the number there. To no avail! The screaming did not abate.</p>
<p><br />I, calmly, picked up the phone, and called the Purser&rsquo;s Desk. A young man, named Gabriel, answered the phone. I explained the problem, and he told me that he spoke French, was on his way to the cabin, and that I should stay calm. I told him that I was perfectly calm, but the poor Wine Lady was going ballistic&hellip;</p>
<p><br />Gabriel arrived shortly, and sorted out the whole mess. It seems that Wine Lady had the right cabin, on the wrong deck. Her husband had come looking for her, and found her in our cabin, with Gabriel. He had his ticket with him, and it revealed that his cabin was two decks above ours. Mr. And Mrs. Wine Lady walked out of our cabin, in a huff, as if I had done something wrong&hellip;</p>
<p><br />In any event, Gabriel turned to us, and said, &ldquo;I am amazed at how calm you were. Weren&rsquo;t you concerned?&rdquo;</p>
<p><br />I explained that I wasn&rsquo;t the least bit concerned. We were already sailing, and I had paid my fare, so I wouldn&rsquo;t be thrown off the ship. If the Wine Lady was mistaken, which, it turned out, she was, &ldquo;no harm/no foul.&rdquo; Everything would be as it was before. If it turned out that Celebrity had made an error, and double-booked the cabin, they would either have to upgrade me, to the best available, or downgrade me, and refund my fare. I&rsquo;d never be upset with a free cruise. Gabriel shook my hand, smiled, and said, &ldquo;I&rsquo;d tell you to enjoy your cruise, but that seems unnecessary&hellip;.&rdquo;</p>
<p><br />Every day, for the remainder of the cruise, a little token gift would mysteriously appear, with a card, which said, &ldquo;Compliments of the Hotel Manager.&rdquo; Somewhere, I still have Celebrity pens, key chains, and other ship stuff. But the best &ldquo;gift&rdquo; I got was what happened every time I passed Wine Lady, on the ship. Every time I passed the Wine Lady in a passageway, I would chuckle, inside, over the entire affair. Meanwhile, Wine Lady was getting ulcers, giving me dirty looks.</p>
<p><br />But, the story isn&rsquo;t quite done, yet. That evening, at dinner, the Wine Steward came over to the table, and asked me to sign for the bottle of wine, that had been left in my cabin, sent by my travel agent. I told him that I hadn&rsquo;t received any wine&hellip;. wait a minute&hellip;.Wine Lady. Obviously, if she thought my cabin was her cabin, then, my wine&hellip;. I told the Wine Steward to track down the Wine Lady, and gave him her cabin number. The next evening, as I entered the Dining Room, the Wine Steward was standing nearby, and flashed me a &ldquo;thumbs up,&rdquo; as I entered, and I laughed, again.</p>
<p><br />I could have gotten pissed off, over this whole thing, as it unfolded, and screwed up a seven-day cruise just as we were leaving Port Everglades. A whole week shot. Why? It&rsquo;s just not worth it.</p>
<p><br />It&rsquo;s like when the air conditioning went out on the Britanis. They did everything they could, until they could fix it, to make the passengers as happy as possible.</p>
<p><br />There will always be a few people on the cruise who look for things to go wrong, so they have something to complain about. Sometimes, if they don&rsquo;t find any, they invent them. These are the kind of people who complain that they have nothing to complain about. The secret is to avoid them as if they carried the Black Plague!</p>
<p><br />You can easily recognize them.</p>
<p><br />They are leaving the Dining Room, after having consumed three appetizers, two soups (a hot and a cold; couldn&rsquo;t decide); sampling all six entrees and all eight desserts. Mr. Large turns to Mrs. Large, and in a voice meant to be heard in a one-hundred foot radius, booms, &ldquo;Boy, the food on this ship really stinks! Worst food I&rsquo;ve ever had on a cruise&hellip;&rdquo; This, from a guy whose big Saturday night out is Bennigan&rsquo;s, or Denny&rsquo;s.</p>
<p><br />This is the same guy who goes into the show lounge, falls asleep before the lights dim, awakes at the final applause, and mutters, &ldquo;Lousy show. My dog sings better, in the shower&hellip;..&rdquo;</p>
<p><br />You&rsquo;ve seen them, and know them. Stay as far away as possible.</p>
<p><br />I love the petty arguments that some cruisers have. One is the &ldquo;Formal/Jeans&rdquo; debate. Some cruisers are of the &ldquo;old school,&rdquo; where Formal Night meant a Tuxedo, or dark suit, solid dress shirt and tie. Almost all of the passengers dressed according to the &ldquo;code,&rdquo; and stayed that way all evening.</p>
<p><br />It was fun to &ldquo;dress up,&rdquo; and most of the women truly enjoyed putting on their gowns, and fancy dresses, getting all &ldquo;made-up,&rdquo; and sporting their best jewelry.</p>
<p><br />Little by little, Formal Night has eroded, and, even many who dress for dinner, change afterwards.</p>
<p><br />There are a lot of passengers who feel that the &ldquo;rules are the rules,&rdquo; and those who do not dress, and stay, formal are rude and inconsiderate. I tend to agree. However, so what? Who is being hurt? If you want to wear a tux, and the guy next to you is in a t-shirt and jeans, big deal! You have the option of taking an upscale, &ldquo;fancy-shmancy,&rdquo; cruise where they dress for dinner every evening, if you so desire. Me, well, maybe the day will come, in the near future, when I pack a brand-new pair of jeans, instead of my tux.</p>
<p><br />As I&rsquo;m driving to the ship, I go into &ldquo;cruise mode.&rdquo; It&rsquo;s a mental attitude, which I adopt. It&rsquo;s the same attitude that you find throughout the Caribbean; &ldquo;Don&rsquo;t worry; be happy;&rdquo; &ldquo;No problem, Mon!&rdquo; &ldquo;Every little &lsquo;ting gonna be alright&hellip;.&rdquo;</p>
<p><br />Sometimes, situations arise that are not within anyone&rsquo;s control. The weather can be a major factor.</p>
<p><br />My first cruise took me to the Western Caribbean, as Hurricane Hugo was whipping through the Eastern. We kept our distance, but did encounter a couple of days with sixteen to eighteen-foot, plus, seas. Needless to say, we had our share of rolling and pitching.</p>
<p><br />Being that we were on a &ldquo;fun&rdquo; ship, a lot of the passengers had been knocking back a few tropical concoctions, which I later learned are, technically, called &ldquo;frozen thingees.&rdquo; You could tell which of your fellow-commuters had been availing themselves of the ship&rsquo;s grog; they were the ones who were walking down the center of the passageways, with no problems. Those who hadn&rsquo;t consumed the tropical blends were bouncing off the wall. (Funny. After all this time, the Spell check still hasn&rsquo;t figured out that &ldquo;thingee&rdquo; is a real word&hellip;.)</p>
<p><br />On one cruise I encountered high winds, and resultant high seas, for the first several days. The first two days, at sea, were so windy that you could not sit out on the pool deck. The ship did not have a covered pool, and, even if it did, it would have been useless. The pitch, and roll, of the ship was actually producing large waves in the pools, splashing all over the deck&hellip; It was a beautiful, sunny, day, but not of any use for pool time. Despite this, I had a great time, and the cruise rates among my most favorite.</p>
<p><br />When it comes to cruising, my attitude is that of the ultimate optimist! When asked if the glass is half full, or half empty, I reply, without the slightest hesitation, &ldquo; The glass is neither half full, nor half empty. It&rsquo;s completely full; half with water, and half with air&hellip;&rdquo; A perfect cruise: half air (warm; sunny; with a salty breeze; perfect) / half water (a blue that cannot be described; calm; shimmering; serene).</p>