Hi guys&#33;<br /><br />I&#39;m back...hopefully for a long while but who knows.  I can get busy and then completely overwhelmed.  First I&#39;d like to say I can&#39;t believe everyone who wrote and PM&#39;d me.  Thanks Kevin&#33;   Back online two seconds and you are already saying hi&#33;  I&#39;ve missed all of you sooo much&#33;&#33;&#33;  I can see where my friends are at least I hope.... as promised I will be explaining myself.<br /><br />I don&#39;t like going into too many details because I&#39;m a very private person.  I know some of you are laughing...hahahahaha  Shaunna private...yeah right&#33;  But yeah...I&#39;m going to go out on a limb here.  Honestly I thought things were going fine for me.  November and Thanksgiving went okay and then we went to visit my friends in Arizona.  That was indeed a HOOT&#33;  It went well.... I got back though and my daughter started playing mind games with me and I did exactly what I promised I wouldn&#39;t do...give in to the games.  I swear that&#39;s my new years resolution...to not give into her games.  But in all fairness it wasn&#39;t just her...she just made some things worse.<br /><br />Second let me say while this topic is bad or seems bad I just don&#39;t like to make a big deal out of it.  For those that know me they know I actually don&#39;t mind talking about it.  It doesn&#39;t make me feel worse but it seems to affect others more simply because they don&#39;t know what to say and I even lose friends so this is a great risk for me.  I won&#39;t talk a lot about it but I feel I it&#39;s safe to tell you now just so you know.  Just promise it won&#39;t change anything and I even do laugh at funeral jokes too okay????????  Don&#39;t change a thing okay?????<br /><br />Five years ago I lost my 15 y/o son.  He was my everything...literally.  It was a prescription drug overdose and Steve and I found him.  There I&#39;ve said it.  This Christmas my daughter managed to drive me darn near crazy.  It&#39;s been five years and I&#39;ve had four great or as great as can be expected Christmases so I guess it was just the year to lose it a little.  Steve and I are actually pretty good about it otherwise.   Yes, everyday is a challenge.  No doubt about it but I just want to be normal and I want you guys to not feel weird about it.  Something in my heart tells me you will understand it&#39;s just my dark secret and sometimes it may cause me to disappear for a while.   I lost my grandpa, then my dad, then my son...(it&#39;s a guy thing I guess).... until.....my daughter lost her second child, Lana who is Layla&#39;s little sister.    I was so excited to be a grandma again but I guess that was not meant to be.  She was only a couple of months old.  Sometimes life just isn&#39;t fair.  They claim it was sids.  <br /><br />Soooooo...... now you know.  Steve and I have turned over new leafs last year and taking our first cruise was sort of our new lease on life.  We hope to continue that.  Things are good with my daughter right now.  As dysfunctional as we are we are all just trying to get through life.  My daughter has caused us so much anguish though Steve left me back in May because he thought I was choosing her over him.  That was probably the lowest as I have ever been and that plays more of a part lately than losing so much of my family.  It was really really bad for me.  You think life can&#39;t get any worse and then it does.   It lasted a week... he came to his senses but the pain of it is still very real to me.  Anyway the cruise was a make up cruise... kind of like make up sex but maybe a little better I guess.  Some of you may debate that...hahahahaha   Hey..we are all employed and that is a good thing.  We are planning a Baja cruise in June, Alaska the following June and then we may take a year off of cruising to save up for the Panama Canal the year following.  Oh...yeah...we are hooked and our marriage is again solid.<br /><br />I&#39;ve missed everyone sooo much&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;  Special thanks to all who cared enough to PM and email me.... Who would have thought my bestest friends would be cruise crazies.  Please I hope none of what I said changes how you joke with me.  For those who lost neighbors and parents and I offered condolences you know now just how much I meant them.  There is though light at the end of the tunnel.  I just fell off the wagon.  <br /><br />Changing subjects....<br /><br />We have a new renter .... God help him but he knows our history...yep.. finally got that room rented out.  He&#39;s a real nice Christian fellow I have known for a while from work.  I think this will be a good thing.  Stephanie (DD) is actually good with it.  Layla comes over every two weeks to spend the night.  I don&#39;t get her daily since she moved in with her ex&#39;s mom who doesn&#39;t work.  Work is still crazy....Christmas was okay.  New Years was okay except I couldn&#39;t stay up until midnight.<br /><br />Oh..yes...the biggest news&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; We have added STONEYS to our casino night.  It&#39;s our new local cowboy pub or saloon ..whatever you want to call it.  It opened New Years Eve but Steve had to work so we got to go on night two.  They have two now in Las Vegas.  We had sooo much fun.  I keep thinking my son has just got to be happy his parents are living again....   hehe   Over the last year we finally decided it was okay to have fun again.    It&#39;s not easy but life does go on and I will see him again.  At least that&#39;s my belief.  <br /><br />Well...just wanted to pop in and explain myself for better or for worse.  I&#39;ve thought about everyone often.  I tried to catch up a little but I know I&#39;ve missed so much.  Jackie take care of that foot&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;   <br />