Welcome to MotherhoodStress.com. . . . Why motherhood <strong><em>stress</em></strong>, when I LOVE being a mother, find great joy in my children? Because I expected the joy.  The stress came as a shock.

Before our first baby, Andrew, was born, I enjoyed imagining what my life as a mom would be like. I never thought it would be like relaxing on a beach in the Bahamas for a few years; but I didn't think of it as "work" either.

I dreamed of outings to the park and visits to the library and wonderful afternoons in a warm kitchen baking cookies with my children.  And the house in the background of all my dreams was always spotlessly clean, because, after all, I planned to "stay home" to raise my children.

My reality included parks and library trips and baking and other wonderful things: cuddling children; reading stories; playing games.  I had no idea how much I would enjoy breastfeeding my babies.

In my wildest fantasies of motherhood, I could never have imagined all the joys of my reality.  From the rush of tender feeling I got when my nursing babies looked up into my eyes and grinned their first toothless grins.  To the intense joy of watching our youngest son Jonathan walk across a stage to accept his college degree, following just steps after his oldest brother Andrew.

Yet my reality included experiences which were NOT a part of my dreams. I never realized how much time I would spend changing diapers, washing clothes, and more clothes, wiping up spills, picking up toys, driving children everywhere, pinching pennies between paychecks. I did not envision <em>ever</em> yelling at my children in frustration. Or walking out the door to take my children to a park and feeling guilty for the messy house I was leaving behind.

When my oldest children were young, I taught child development classes at Triton College, usually just one course a semester.  After one particularly stressful morning with my children, I headed in to teach about "Playing with Kids All Day: Job Stress in Early Childhood Education."

The list of job stresses for teachers of young children included:
<ul>
	<li>an excess of novelty and uncertainty</li>
	<li>lack of control</li>
	<li>high expectations</li>
	<li>ideals vs. reality</li>
	<li>no clear guidelines or measures for success</li>
	<li>low status and low pay</li>
	<li>poor accountability</li>
</ul>
And it hit me that the stresses for working with children all day applied to being the mother of children as well.

Earlier that week I'd taken more than an hour to get my (then) two children ready to go to the grocery store.  We'd first searched the whole house for Andrew's shoes.  The first time we got in the car, Andrew announced that he need to go to the bathroom again.  Back in the house for that.  Back out to the car, I got Andrew strapped in.  But as I strapped Matthew into his car seat, my nose informed me that he was messy.

Back into the house to change a diaper.  Then the phone rang. I talked to a friend briefly and felt as if I'd cut her off short.  Then back out to the car. I had both children buckled in their car seats and was backing out of the driveway when I noticed the clock in the car. It was nearly  noon.

I knew better than to take to hungry children to a grocery store. So I pulled back up to the house, unbuckled my two boys and headed into the house.  Where I hung up our coats, sat down and cried.

That college lecture was the beginning of a several year process of talking to other mothers - rich mothers, poor mothers, new mothers, grandmothers, at-home mothers and mothers with two careers, single mothers and happily married women with wonderfully supportive husbands. The mere mention of the two words "motherhood" and "stress" in the same sentence invariably brought on an outpouring of feelings and stories.

All mothers feel motherhood stress.

So I wrote a book on the subject.

And another book.

And another book.

Motherhood certainly has its wonderful times. But it is more than "playing with kids all day." It is hard work. Important work. Stressful work.

It's important for mothers, and fathers, to understand mother hood stress.