How many mothers go into motherhood, expecting themselves and their children to be perfect, wanting the perfect motherhood experience?  <a title="stressed_out_supermoms" href="http://www.dailybreeze.com/ci_19249002" target="_blank">According to recent news reports</a>, when motherhood proves to be less than perfect, moms turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the disappointment of failed expectations.

[caption id="attachment_258" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Lisette and Debi, still in our Sunday church clothes"]<a href="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/LisetteDebiPorchswing_1.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-258 " title="LisetteDebiPorchswing_1" src="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/LisetteDebiPorchswing_1-300x219.jpg" alt="" width="240" height="175" /></a>[/caption]

I had a long talk last week with a young mother who talked about the pressure to live her life as a “Disney-perfect Mom.”  And how critical other mothers can be when your life doesn’t turn out to be “Disney perfect.”  So many mothers want to believe that if they just do the right things, follow the right advice with their children, their lives will be Disney-perfect and their children will all “say no to drugs,” graduate from high school as valedictorians - or at least salutatorians - and gain entrance into Harvard.

[caption id="attachment_558" align="alignleft" width="240" caption="Matthew, Gregg and Debi at Matthew&#39;s high school graduation, 1999"]<a href="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/MattHSGrad.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-558 " title="MattHSGrad" src="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/MattHSGrad-300x186.jpg" alt="" width="240" height="149" /></a>[/caption]

Then life happens and we as mothers, and our children, as, well . . .  children, turns out to be less than Disney-perfect.  And your other mother-friends look at your life and try to decide where you went wrong.  Hoping that if they can figure that out, and avoid your mistakes, they can continue to live Disney-perfect lives, with Disney-perfect children.

According to the reports on drug and alcohol abuse among supermoms, mothers often turn to “uppers” to avoid postpartum depression and then fall into the pattern of taking  prescription drugs. They even call them “mother’s little helpers” -  uppers in the morning to energize yourself and downers in the evenings to calm yourself down.

We all know how important our roles as mothers are.  And we don’t want our children messed up by our mistakes.  We want to do this motherhood thing perfectly, because we love our children and want the very best for them.  And the best is perfection, right?

[caption id="attachment_559" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Micah, Tim and our Andrew, goofing off at Ichthus, a music festival"]<a href="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/MicahTimAndrewIchthus.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-559 " title="MicahTimAndrewIchthus" src="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/MicahTimAndrewIchthus-300x211.jpg" alt="" width="240" height="169" /></a>[/caption]

How many of us mothers keep up the illusion that our lives and our children are perfect? That we manage to have it all: the children and the career; the spotless house and the PTO presidency.  So we don’t have to face the criticism of our friends or neighbors or family, when we fail.

As a young mother, I read something by Dr. James Dobson, saying that one of the most unkind things young mothers do to each other is to hurry around and pick up and clean their houses before another mother came over.  Not presenting an honest picture of ourselves or our lives to each other.

The result is a comparative performance stress where we all look at each other and think that other moms are handling the pressures of motherhood better than we are.  And we end up feeling inadequate, in what we know to be the most important job of our lives.

What is best for our children is NOT perfection, but the honest sharing of our struggles and our shortcomings.  "Nobody gets to be perfect," I told my children when they were small. "Mama isn't perfect.  Daddy isn't perfect. You don't get to be perfect. Only Jesus was perfect."

Rather than the uppers and downers or alcohol to numb the disappointment of being less than perfect, we can just embrace our imperfections.  And find friends who are also imperfect - and with whom we can be honest about that.

Because nobody gets to be perfect.