The World, we often told our children, is a cold, dark place. A place where people will sometimes try to tear you down, in order to build themselves up. Your FAMILY, we would tell them, was where you could go to be loved.

[caption id="attachment_618" align="aligncenter" width="349" caption="Jonathan and Benjamin in front of Alto Park School, on Jonathan&#39;s first day of kindergarten"]<a href="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/BenjJonAltoPark.jpg"><img class="size-full wp-image-618 " title="BenjJonAltoPark" src="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/BenjJonAltoPark.jpg" alt="" width="349" height="594" /></a>[/caption]

Your FAMILY, we told them, knows that you are not perfect. In fact your family knows your every fault and loves you anyway. Your family accepts you for the person you are.  And encourages you regardless of what the world has to say about you.

[caption id="attachment_619" align="aligncenter" width="199" caption="Jonathan, our youngest son, with Andrew, our oldest son, when Jonathan was 3 and Andrew was 12 years old."]<a href="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/A-J-3yr.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-619" title="A &amp; J 3yr" src="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/A-J-3yr-199x300.jpg" alt="" width="199" height="300" /></a>[/caption]

Therefore, we would tell our children, you may NOT continue to harass or quarrel with your sibling.

[caption id="attachment_620" align="aligncenter" width="432" caption="Benjamin (10), Jonathan (7) and Lisette (12) in Philadelphia, in front of Independence Hall"]<a href="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/JBLPhilly7-yr.jpg"><img class="size-full wp-image-620" title="JB&amp;LPhilly7 yr" src="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/JBLPhilly7-yr.jpg" alt="" width="432" height="579" /></a>[/caption]

And therefore, you WILL find a way to be kind to your sibling. And you will stop your fight with him THIS VERY MINUTE!

At first, I called this my Mama lecture #232.  Or some such number.  But each time I began the lecture, I forgot what number I had assigned to it the time before.

[caption id="attachment_621" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Andrew, Matthew, Lisette, Benjamin and Jonathan, at Lisette&#39;s graduation from Asbury College. This was taken not long after Jonathan, our youngest, became our tallest."]<a href="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/AMLBJ-at-L-grad.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-621" title="AMLBJ at L grad" src="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/AMLBJ-at-L-grad-300x165.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="165" /></a>[/caption]

Over time, I just randomly assigned a number to this Mama lecture. Sometimes it was Mama Lecture #540.  Other times it was Mama Lecture #765.

[caption id="attachment_622" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Benjamin, Jonathan and Matthew. I have no idea what they were watching. They were looking toward the place where we had a basketball goal at that time. Jonathan spent a lot of time with a sibling&#39;s arm on his shoulder."]<a href="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/JMB-2yr.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-622" title="JM&amp;B 2yr" src="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/JMB-2yr-300x300.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="300" /></a>[/caption]

In fact, all my Mama Lectures had random numbers. I never did remember any numbers I assigned to any of my Mama Lectures.

[caption id="attachment_624" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Matthew, Benjamin and Jonathan, on Mackinaw Island, Michigan, when Jonathan was 7 years old"]<a href="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/MBJMackinaw7-yr.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-624" title="MBJMackinaw7 yr" src="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/MBJMackinaw7-yr-300x271.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="271" /></a>[/caption]

But while I changed the number on this lecture randomly, it always began with the words,<em> The World is a Cold Dark Place</em>. And when my children heard those words, they began to groan.

"Mother!" they would say, "We have heard this before. We do NOT need to hear it again."

"If you don't want to hear Mama Lecture #2465," I would answer, "do not quarrel with your brother (sister)."

[caption id="attachment_625" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Jonathan, Benjamin and Matthew, while visiting Matthew, when he was a student at Dartmouth College"]<a href="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/JBMDartmouth.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-625" title="JBMDartmouth" src="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/JBMDartmouth-300x219.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="219" /></a>[/caption]

Despite the warnings, my children heard those words, "The world is a cold, dark place," many, many times during their growing up years.

We did not want our children to be afraid of that cold, dark world. We just wanted them to value their family.  And to quit engaging in fights with their siblings!

Our adult children do not seem to fear the world.  All five have traveled to third world countries on mission trips.  Lisette spent 2 years in Kenya, teaching the children of missionaries.  Andrew spent three years as a missionary to gang kids in Los Angeles. I consider it safe to say they do not fear a cold, dark world.

[caption id="attachment_627" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Emma (their cousin), Lisette, Andrew, Benjamin, Jonathan in May 2011"]<a href="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/EmLABJMay2011.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-627" title="EmLABJMay2011" src="http://motherhoodstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/EmLABJMay2011-300x133.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="133" /></a>[/caption]

And  I hope I can safely say that, finally, now that they are adults - and friends with each other, too - I no longer have any reason to repeat my Mama Lecture #472. The one that begins with "The World Is a Cold Dark Place."