"...An infant company named Dinamic -- soon to become the most
important in Spain -- premiered Artist, a design program for drawing, and Yenght,
the first conversational Spanish adventure..."
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Okay. Why do I care about Artist? Also, I'm not told as much about Yenght as I'd like to know (or is probably appropriate here).
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"Another strong Spanish video game company, Topo Soft, curiously did not release a conversational adventure in all its existence."
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In which case, why is this relevant unless you're making some sort of point?
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Overall, these points are indicative of a more general trend of a fairly dry, methodical recounting, with very little attention paid to what the games themselves were like, the principal figures within the genre, the writing styles therof, and indeed pretty much everything that makes the difference between the reeling off of dates and an engaging and interesting history.
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Moreover, the games seem to be peripheral to the text; where they're described at all, it's done so in very terse and uninteresting ways. There's no attempt whatsoever to address trends within the games - of style, content and so on.
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If this was a history of people chopping each other into pieces, I might tolerate this approach, but this is a history of geeks getting together to program stuff. If I'm not going to fall asleep before I get to the third paragraph, this is going to need a lot more colour, a drastically more compelling narrative style (above and beyond the awkward grammar), and a somewhat greater focus on the games rather than the community.
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<i>[Ed. note: I suggest that one way to address this reviewer's points would be to spend some more time discussing individual games and what made them interesting, any artistic trends, etc. 
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Some questions you might start with as a way to flesh this out a little:
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What was the premise of Yenght? What was the setting? Did it have any particularly notable puzzles that might be interesting to describe?
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Did the style of games written change during the commercial period or since? What were the changes? English-language games have tended towards smaller and more experimental games over recent years. Is the same true of Spanish games? What are some of the most interesting Spanish games of the post-commercial era, and what sets them apart? 
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What design concerns get the most discussion in the Spanish community?
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We will help with polishing the grammar.]</i>