Chronologies
Timeline in honor of Felix.
1981 Start taking art lessons. I get my first set of watercolors. 2002 Matt Oreto died at Oxford University. He overdosed on his roommate's morphine. 1989 Met Laura. 1995 Past life sessions at the Light Institute. 1991 Jacques leaves for Cape Town, and I am truly sad about this. 1992 I find out Dave slept with Dawn. 1992 Bev buys a kitten, and gives it to me. I have to keep it at her house because dad is allergic. I name him Bakela – zulu for patience. 1993 Met Anne Rice. 1991 Lisa and I give a guy a ride, and it turns out it's Ron Picard. 1991 Hear Nirvana for the first time. 1992 Met Rose. 1989 Met John Dean. 1992 Met Bev (the butterfly). 1992 Create my 'zine Mercy Circle. 1992 Met Jacqueline Joubert. 1992 Bev shows me purple grass. 1992 Rose tells me she loves me. 1992 Saw Rocky Horror Picture Show at Victory theatre with Richard O'Brien in the audience. 1993 Car accident when I hit the windscreen. 1993 Met Jacques. 1993 Have sex for the first time. 1975 Born in Johannesburg, South Africa. 1993 Met Jason Howard. 1994 Met Kristin. 1993 Arrived back in the United States. 1994 Have my first moment of clarity about love : Max. 2001 Start working for the Visual Arts department at UCSD. 2001 Circles and Squares show. 2001 Elephantastico! show. 1996 Travel to Germany and Switzerland. 1979 Brother Shaun is born. 1995 Take a sculpture class I hate! Teacher's final grade reads: "You could be good if you apply yourself. You have talent, but talent is cheap." 1996 Whitney Museum for the first time. 1997 Visit London ICA. 1990 Smoked my first cigarette. 1990 Peter Becker died. 1998 Exobiological show. 1995 Artwork is stolen from a show. 1991 Fell in love with Molly. 1991 Youth expression Theatre. 1991 Get caught at a hotel with Dave. 1991 First time at summer camp. 1991 Met Sarah Hecht. 2001 Met Toni Nunez. 1994 Met Max. 2001 Met Chandra. 1999 Moved to San Diego. 1994 Moved to Amherst. 1993 I get chicken pox in my late teens. 2001 Met Faith Ringgold. 2003 Met Barbara Kruger. 2001 Lisa's wedding. 1998 Lisa met Mike. 1993 Met Lisa (again). 1994 Met MCA of Beastie Boys. 1996 Met Katie. 1993 Met Matt Oreto. 2000 Huge fight with dad over taxes. 2001 Met Ben Guttin and Kundan Baidwan. 2002 Get accepted to Parsons. 2002 Get rejected by Hunter. 2002 Go whale watching and see 0 whales. 2003 Celebrate Max's 30th birthday. 2002 Documenta. 1991 Molly writes the following letter: "When you're not here, neither are words. I don't know what to say. I miss you. A month? A year! I love you." 2003 Visit Germany, Italy (Venice Biennale) and Greece. 2002 Visit UCSB. 2003 Accepted to Hunter. 1994 Saw Fire in the Sky. 1994 Kurt Cobain is dead. 1994 Date Cory Bombradi. 1993 Met Shawn Flannery. 1994 Protest local pizzeria with Matt Oreto. 1991 moved back to Johannesburg in October. 2003 Move to San Francisco. 1989 Met Dave. 2002 J calls to tell me he has tested positive. I close the door to my office and weep. 1996 Max and my parents throw a huge surprise party for my 21st birthday. 1990 I date Mark Nolfi. 1993 I get drunk on easter at a punk rock party and hop down the street screaming, "I am the easter bunny!" 1985 I get pneumonia repeatedly and end up in the hospital close to a dozen times. 1986 Move into the house I live in the longest. 1994 Max flies to Germany for the winter. I miss him more than I've missed anyone.
Location
1975 Born in South Africa (Johannesburg). 1981 Visit to USA (West Coast). 1988 Moved to USA (Worcester, MA). 1991 Moved back to South Africa (Johannesburg). 1993 Moved back to USA (Worcester, MA). 1994 Moved to Amherst, MA. 1995 Lived in Santa Fe, NM for 3 months. 1996 Visit Germany. 1999 Moved to San Diego. 2003 Moved to San Francisco.
Important Moments
1981 Move into 1st house. 1984 Move into 2nd house. Started school. 1984 Changed Schools. 1986 Mom and Dad visit USA alone (West Coast). 1988 Did 1 year of Junior High School. 1989 Started high school. 1990 Met Dave. 1994 Graduated High School. Started college (UMass). Met Max. 1998 Graduated college BFA show.
1981 Start taking art lessons. I get my first set of watercolors. 2002 Matt Oreto died at Oxford University. He overdosed on his roommate's morphine. 1989 Met Laura. 1995 Past life sessions at the Light Institute. 1991 Jacques leaves for Cape Town, and I am truly sad about this. 1992 I find out Dave slept with Dawn. 1992 Bev buys a kitten, and gives it to me. I have to keep it at her house because dad is allergic. I name him Bakela – zulu for patience. 1993 Met Anne Rice. 1991 Lisa and I give a guy a ride, and it turns out it's Ron Picard. 1991 Hear Nirvana for the first time. 1992 Met Rose. 1989 Met John Dean. 1992 Met Bev (the butterfly). 1992 Create my 'zine Mercy Circle. 1992 Met Jacqueline Joubert. 1992 Bev shows me purple grass. 1992 Rose tells me she loves me. 1992 Saw Rocky Horror Picture Show at Victory theatre with Richard O'Brien in the audience. 1993 Car accident when I hit the windscreen. 1993 Met Jacques. 1993 Have sex for the first time. 1975 Born in Johannesburg, South Africa. 1993 Met Jason Howard. 1994 Met Kristin. 1993 Arrived back in the United States. 1994 Have my first moment of clarity about love : Max. 2001 Start working for the Visual Arts department at UCSD. 2001 Circles and Squares show. 2001 Elephantastico! show. 1996 Travel to Germany and Switzerland. 1979 Brother Shaun is born. 1995 Take a sculpture class I hate! Teacher's final grade reads: "You could be good if you apply yourself. You have talent, but talent is cheap." 1996 Whitney Museum for the first time. 1997 Visit London ICA. 1990 Smoked my first cigarette. 1990 Peter Becker died. 1998 Exobiological show. 1995 Artwork is stolen from a show. 1991 Fell in love with Molly. 1991 Youth expression Theatre. 1991 Get caught at a hotel with Dave. 1991 First time at summer camp. 1991 Met Sarah Hecht. 2001 Met Toni Nunez. 1994 Met Max. 2001 Met Chandra. 1999 Moved to San Diego. 1994 Moved to Amherst. 1993 I get chicken pox in my late teens. 2001 Met Faith Ringgold. 2003 Met Barbara Kruger. 2001 Lisa's wedding. 1998 Lisa met Mike. 1993 Met Lisa (again). 1994 Met MCA of Beastie Boys. 1996 Met Katie. 1993 Met Matt Oreto. 2000 Huge fight with dad over taxes. 2001 Met Ben Guttin and Kundan Baidwan. 2002 Get accepted to Parsons. 2002 Get rejected by Hunter. 2002 Go whale watching and see 0 whales. 2003 Celebrate Max's 30th birthday. 2002 Documenta. 1991 Molly writes the following letter: "When you're not here, neither are words. I don't know what to say. I miss you. A month? A year! I love you." 2003 Visit Germany, Italy (Venice Biennale) and Greece. 2002 Visit UCSB. 2003 Accepted to Hunter. 1994 Saw Fire in the Sky. 1994 Kurt Cobain is dead. 1994 Date Cory Bombradi. 1993 Met Shawn Flannery. 1994 Protest local pizzeria with Matt Oreto. 1991 moved back to Johannesburg in October. 2003 Move to San Francisco. 1989 Met Dave. 2002 J calls to tell me he has tested positive. I close the door to my office and weep. 1996 Max and my parents throw a huge surprise party for my 21st birthday. 1990 I date Mark Nolfi. 1993 I get drunk on easter at a punk rock party and hop down the street screaming, "I am the easter bunny!" 1985 I get pneumonia repeatedly and end up in the hospital close to a dozen times. 1986 Move into the house I live in the longest. 1994 Max flies to Germany for the winter. I miss him more than I've missed anyone.
Location
1975 Born in South Africa (Johannesburg). 1981 Visit to USA (West Coast). 1988 Moved to USA (Worcester, MA). 1991 Moved back to South Africa (Johannesburg). 1993 Moved back to USA (Worcester, MA). 1994 Moved to Amherst, MA. 1995 Lived in Santa Fe, NM for 3 months. 1996 Visit Germany. 1999 Moved to San Diego. 2003 Moved to San Francisco.
Important Moments
1981 Move into 1st house. 1984 Move into 2nd house. Started school. 1984 Changed Schools. 1986 Mom and Dad visit USA alone (West Coast). 1988 Did 1 year of Junior High School. 1989 Started high school. 1990 Met Dave. 1994 Graduated High School. Started college (UMass). Met Max. 1998 Graduated college BFA show.
Dreams
#1.
It was you and me - old. We were in a very cozy house, talking together in the office/study/workroom. It was the time of day when the sun had just set, and the sky is a dusky bluish grey. It was raining lightly, and the raindrops on the window were sparkling from the lights inside the house. I had this feeling of complete bliss. A real sense of safety. I knew things were good. We had experienced a good life together, and we were still happy together even at this old age. It was just you and me, and that was enough. It filled me such a feeling of love, it was quite incredible.
#2.
I was running and racing bicycles. I kept falling off and bruises were starting to show. On my arms, legs and torso. I showed them to you, but you didn’t seem to find them believable. I wanted you to believe I was capable of working that hard.
#3.
I found a letter, and realized through the words that someone I knew was going to commit suicide. I rounded up some people and suggested we rush over to that person’s place. We all gathered outside and started to head over there. I ran ahead, and cut through the city into a place that was wooded. I was now running much faster than is really possible, and noticed wild animals. I was now running with zebras and noticed I was an animal too. I saw a group of animals ahead, and when I reached them I found some lionesses eating a deer they had killed. No one jumped when they saw me – I was definitely an animal, and the speed at which I could run was incredible.
#4.
We were on vacation, and I was tired of taking all my medication. So many containers and pills to remember. I decided to get one of those handy containers that has a slot for each day of the week. I started to organize all the pills into the appropriate days of the week. I was sitting on the beach in a bathing suit while doing this. A large wave washed up on the shore, and took half my pills with it. Most importantly, my birth control pill washed away, tiny white and green specs floating away. I was horrified that I would get pregnant because of that.
#5.
There was a dog. He was sad, lonely and sick from being mistreated. I picked him up, hugged him and took him with me. He started crying like a person would, and I could tellthat he was thrilled to have been rescued. He wasn't the type of dog I normally find cute, but he was so loving.
#6.
I went to the bedroom store to return the bed frame and get a refund. They didn’t give me any hassle, and processed the credit card return right then. Afterwards, I realized I was on the opposite side of town, with no car and no way of getting back home. One of the employees said he would help me out, and I left with him. Once outside we started heading for his cab, and I walked past a tree. He turned and yelled for me to be careful, but it was too late. I had disturbed a bee, and it was tangles in my hair. He grabbed a large drafting ruler and started to swat at the bee. I told him I’m allergic to bees, and he started swatting even more. Eventually I just made a run for it, and started down a sandy path to his cab. I lost the bee, and jumped in his cab. This looked like a child’s toy car, bright yellow and only enough seating for two people, with no roof. We started heading out towards the highway, and other cars like it passed by. But when we got close to the highway, he dropped me off at a large strip mall (somewhere I’ve been in my dreams before) and took off. I knew I was close to Lisa’s house, and debated whether to visit her or not. I grabbed a small car, much like the back, and drove off in it, heading up the hill behind the strip mall. I drove up a dirt road, and that turned into a nice garden path. I was now driving through a small housing community of white Waspy mom’s, playing with their kids. There were lots of beautiful gardens, and I was trailing this car through their flowers. I finally got to a point where it was hard to maneuver, and got out of the car. I saw Lisa in her yard with Mike. I decided it was a bad idea. I drove off, but ended up going straight through their yard. She was on the phone, and just waved to me. As I drove past them, he said ‘Nerd’. I thought he was insulting me, but realized he was talking about the NERD candies I had in my hand. Their looked like wood, but I know they were candies. I stopped and asked him what he was talking about, and he pointed at my hand. Lisa hung up and said hello. Not friendly. Not like we haven’t seen each other in four years. She was playing with a dog and being a real space cake. I asked her how Germany was, and she bent over to do yoga stretches. She explained she had to go to work, but that I could hang out with Mike. He proceeded to tell me he was training to get his surfing license at then beach near by, and started giving all these useless descriptions to me. I kept thinking none of it made sense, because Max surfed for years and never needed a license.
It was you and me - old. We were in a very cozy house, talking together in the office/study/workroom. It was the time of day when the sun had just set, and the sky is a dusky bluish grey. It was raining lightly, and the raindrops on the window were sparkling from the lights inside the house. I had this feeling of complete bliss. A real sense of safety. I knew things were good. We had experienced a good life together, and we were still happy together even at this old age. It was just you and me, and that was enough. It filled me such a feeling of love, it was quite incredible.
#2.
I was running and racing bicycles. I kept falling off and bruises were starting to show. On my arms, legs and torso. I showed them to you, but you didn’t seem to find them believable. I wanted you to believe I was capable of working that hard.
#3.
I found a letter, and realized through the words that someone I knew was going to commit suicide. I rounded up some people and suggested we rush over to that person’s place. We all gathered outside and started to head over there. I ran ahead, and cut through the city into a place that was wooded. I was now running much faster than is really possible, and noticed wild animals. I was now running with zebras and noticed I was an animal too. I saw a group of animals ahead, and when I reached them I found some lionesses eating a deer they had killed. No one jumped when they saw me – I was definitely an animal, and the speed at which I could run was incredible.
#4.
We were on vacation, and I was tired of taking all my medication. So many containers and pills to remember. I decided to get one of those handy containers that has a slot for each day of the week. I started to organize all the pills into the appropriate days of the week. I was sitting on the beach in a bathing suit while doing this. A large wave washed up on the shore, and took half my pills with it. Most importantly, my birth control pill washed away, tiny white and green specs floating away. I was horrified that I would get pregnant because of that.
#5.
There was a dog. He was sad, lonely and sick from being mistreated. I picked him up, hugged him and took him with me. He started crying like a person would, and I could tellthat he was thrilled to have been rescued. He wasn't the type of dog I normally find cute, but he was so loving.
#6.
I went to the bedroom store to return the bed frame and get a refund. They didn’t give me any hassle, and processed the credit card return right then. Afterwards, I realized I was on the opposite side of town, with no car and no way of getting back home. One of the employees said he would help me out, and I left with him. Once outside we started heading for his cab, and I walked past a tree. He turned and yelled for me to be careful, but it was too late. I had disturbed a bee, and it was tangles in my hair. He grabbed a large drafting ruler and started to swat at the bee. I told him I’m allergic to bees, and he started swatting even more. Eventually I just made a run for it, and started down a sandy path to his cab. I lost the bee, and jumped in his cab. This looked like a child’s toy car, bright yellow and only enough seating for two people, with no roof. We started heading out towards the highway, and other cars like it passed by. But when we got close to the highway, he dropped me off at a large strip mall (somewhere I’ve been in my dreams before) and took off. I knew I was close to Lisa’s house, and debated whether to visit her or not. I grabbed a small car, much like the back, and drove off in it, heading up the hill behind the strip mall. I drove up a dirt road, and that turned into a nice garden path. I was now driving through a small housing community of white Waspy mom’s, playing with their kids. There were lots of beautiful gardens, and I was trailing this car through their flowers. I finally got to a point where it was hard to maneuver, and got out of the car. I saw Lisa in her yard with Mike. I decided it was a bad idea. I drove off, but ended up going straight through their yard. She was on the phone, and just waved to me. As I drove past them, he said ‘Nerd’. I thought he was insulting me, but realized he was talking about the NERD candies I had in my hand. Their looked like wood, but I know they were candies. I stopped and asked him what he was talking about, and he pointed at my hand. Lisa hung up and said hello. Not friendly. Not like we haven’t seen each other in four years. She was playing with a dog and being a real space cake. I asked her how Germany was, and she bent over to do yoga stretches. She explained she had to go to work, but that I could hang out with Mike. He proceeded to tell me he was training to get his surfing license at then beach near by, and started giving all these useless descriptions to me. I kept thinking none of it made sense, because Max surfed for years and never needed a license.
Literature
Alice Hoffman.
I started reading her novels in high school. Seventh Heaven was the original. It made me laugh and cry. As a result, a real winner and permanent place on the shelf of my own library. Her writing is symbolic, romantic and very hopeful. Her characters always overcome certain obstacles and rise above. This is always written in a manner reminiscent of fairy tales or folklore. Nature and the weather are always key players in her stories, and she openly includes magic. Most stories tell of love: forbidden, unrequited, passionate, sexual, heated, sad and destructive. There is a lot of pining, foretelling and imagination in her stories. Some feel the books are cheesy and dramatic, but I have always loved them. Another big pull for me is the New England setting. When I moved to the States, I moved to Worcester, Massachusetts. A large New England town, with tree lines streets and triple-decker homes. Fall is really fall there. The leaves change color, seem to set fire and eventually fall off the trees. Halloween and Thanksgiving aren’t as magical anywhere else in the world. As a result, Alice Hoffman is a direct link to my origins in this country.
I started reading her novels in high school. Seventh Heaven was the original. It made me laugh and cry. As a result, a real winner and permanent place on the shelf of my own library. Her writing is symbolic, romantic and very hopeful. Her characters always overcome certain obstacles and rise above. This is always written in a manner reminiscent of fairy tales or folklore. Nature and the weather are always key players in her stories, and she openly includes magic. Most stories tell of love: forbidden, unrequited, passionate, sexual, heated, sad and destructive. There is a lot of pining, foretelling and imagination in her stories. Some feel the books are cheesy and dramatic, but I have always loved them. Another big pull for me is the New England setting. When I moved to the States, I moved to Worcester, Massachusetts. A large New England town, with tree lines streets and triple-decker homes. Fall is really fall there. The leaves change color, seem to set fire and eventually fall off the trees. Halloween and Thanksgiving aren’t as magical anywhere else in the world. As a result, Alice Hoffman is a direct link to my origins in this country.
Neuroses
Wondering if
I’ll ever feel grown up.
I’ll ever feel accomplished.
The melancholy will ever go away.
I did it all wrong.
I did it all right, and can’t see that.
I should have started thinking when I was younger.
I’ll ever get rid of the knot in my stomach.
I will ever be able to let go.
This whole life was planned and maybe I couldn’t have changed a thing anyway.
I’ll ever be pleased with the work.
I know
That I need a lot of time alone.
That I will never be satisfied.
That I will always be interested in lots of different things.
That I will always do too much.
That I will always give too much.
That I need to feel needed.
That I am going to travel a lot in my life.
That I will get to meet many of the people I admire.
That I am blessed to share my life with Max.
That coming to San Francisco was the right decision.
That I will live in New York at some point.
That it all comes full circle.
That I need to overcome my fear of death.
I’m better at giving advice than taking it.
I could trust more.
I could dance more.
I could worry less.
I’ll ever feel grown up.
I’ll ever feel accomplished.
The melancholy will ever go away.
I did it all wrong.
I did it all right, and can’t see that.
I should have started thinking when I was younger.
I’ll ever get rid of the knot in my stomach.
I will ever be able to let go.
This whole life was planned and maybe I couldn’t have changed a thing anyway.
I’ll ever be pleased with the work.
I know
That I need a lot of time alone.
That I will never be satisfied.
That I will always be interested in lots of different things.
That I will always do too much.
That I will always give too much.
That I need to feel needed.
That I am going to travel a lot in my life.
That I will get to meet many of the people I admire.
That I am blessed to share my life with Max.
That coming to San Francisco was the right decision.
That I will live in New York at some point.
That it all comes full circle.
That I need to overcome my fear of death.
I’m better at giving advice than taking it.
I could trust more.
I could dance more.
I could worry less.
Music
Shawn Colvin.
I heard Shawn Colvin’s music for the first time when I was thirteen years old. I saw a video on VH1, and loved it. I saved my money for a few weeks, and bought the cassette tape of her first album Steady On. I listened that tape to death. Her lyrics were honest, sad and really beautiful. I felt a deep sense of connection, despite the fact that my life was nothing like hers. My bedroom at the time was on the 2nd level of the house. I was all alone up there. One big room, the length of the house, with an A-frame roof, coming down on either side. All the walls were lined with drawers, and I had a large drawing table at one end. My sketches and paintings lined the walls. It was heavenly for me. I came home from school everyday and ran upstairs to make art. I would listen to that tape and stare through the skylight windows and wish for a love like that one day. I then started dating a guy four years older than me. He lived a few towns away, and sometimes I would sleep there so that he wouldn’t have to drive all that way back alone at night. He always disappointed me and I was never satisfied. One night, I was sleeping over and he’d gone to bed. His mom was a nurse and she wasn’t there. I went into the kitchen, took a cigarette from the pack on the counter and turned on the small black and white TV. It was so old, the knobs took all my strength to turn. It was a late night show, like David Letterman. It was the musical guest, and I recognized her right away. “Ladies and gentleman, Shawn Colvin!” I had goose bumps. My nose practically against the small screen. It was awesome and really sad at the same time, because I couldn’t share how happy I was with him. In my heart, I knew at that moment we wouldn’t stay together. But it took me 3 years to do something about it.
I heard Shawn Colvin’s music for the first time when I was thirteen years old. I saw a video on VH1, and loved it. I saved my money for a few weeks, and bought the cassette tape of her first album Steady On. I listened that tape to death. Her lyrics were honest, sad and really beautiful. I felt a deep sense of connection, despite the fact that my life was nothing like hers. My bedroom at the time was on the 2nd level of the house. I was all alone up there. One big room, the length of the house, with an A-frame roof, coming down on either side. All the walls were lined with drawers, and I had a large drawing table at one end. My sketches and paintings lined the walls. It was heavenly for me. I came home from school everyday and ran upstairs to make art. I would listen to that tape and stare through the skylight windows and wish for a love like that one day. I then started dating a guy four years older than me. He lived a few towns away, and sometimes I would sleep there so that he wouldn’t have to drive all that way back alone at night. He always disappointed me and I was never satisfied. One night, I was sleeping over and he’d gone to bed. His mom was a nurse and she wasn’t there. I went into the kitchen, took a cigarette from the pack on the counter and turned on the small black and white TV. It was so old, the knobs took all my strength to turn. It was a late night show, like David Letterman. It was the musical guest, and I recognized her right away. “Ladies and gentleman, Shawn Colvin!” I had goose bumps. My nose practically against the small screen. It was awesome and really sad at the same time, because I couldn’t share how happy I was with him. In my heart, I knew at that moment we wouldn’t stay together. But it took me 3 years to do something about it.
Film
Renting Videos.
My parent always allowed us to rent videos. There were very few things they wouldn’t let us watch. My earliest memories are at the age of five, when my brother and I wanted to watch a cartoon called Scooby Doo. Growing up in South Africa, we were forced to rent a lot of things that were commonplace on American television. I believe that having very little censorship over what I was allowed to see has, in large part, molded as an artist. I was always interested in seeing, watching, observing and reconstructing the material somehow for my own use and benefit. My brother and I would do performances for the family on Friday nights. The Jewish Sabbath was taken more seriously when I was a child. I ate dinner every Friday night with my parents, grandmother and my aunt. My aunt’s attendance was provisionally based on whether she and my parents or she and my grandmother had an argument that week. She would often attend with a various number of boyfriends, all of which my brother and I liked. We rehearsed during the week and gave the performances after dinner. Songs (with real microphone from the stereo, and plastic racket guitar), jokes, skits. My family’s favorite was my rendition of Babe by Styx. This would often receive an encore. This was the beginning of my fascination with imitation, mimicry and performance. Moving to the States and being thrown straight into the public school system, there was a lot of teasing to be dealt with. “You sound funny.” “What kind of accent is that?” “What’s it like in South America?” “You’re from Africa? Is your dad black?” The final straw was the day my Spanish teacher made fun of me in front of the whole class about my accent. I rented enough videos that my accent was gone in no time. I assimilated quickly, started dressing like everyone else, and felt sure I’d pass soon enough. Maybe my only regret. I should have given that Spanish teacher the finger and thrown my Spanish book at him.
My parent always allowed us to rent videos. There were very few things they wouldn’t let us watch. My earliest memories are at the age of five, when my brother and I wanted to watch a cartoon called Scooby Doo. Growing up in South Africa, we were forced to rent a lot of things that were commonplace on American television. I believe that having very little censorship over what I was allowed to see has, in large part, molded as an artist. I was always interested in seeing, watching, observing and reconstructing the material somehow for my own use and benefit. My brother and I would do performances for the family on Friday nights. The Jewish Sabbath was taken more seriously when I was a child. I ate dinner every Friday night with my parents, grandmother and my aunt. My aunt’s attendance was provisionally based on whether she and my parents or she and my grandmother had an argument that week. She would often attend with a various number of boyfriends, all of which my brother and I liked. We rehearsed during the week and gave the performances after dinner. Songs (with real microphone from the stereo, and plastic racket guitar), jokes, skits. My family’s favorite was my rendition of Babe by Styx. This would often receive an encore. This was the beginning of my fascination with imitation, mimicry and performance. Moving to the States and being thrown straight into the public school system, there was a lot of teasing to be dealt with. “You sound funny.” “What kind of accent is that?” “What’s it like in South America?” “You’re from Africa? Is your dad black?” The final straw was the day my Spanish teacher made fun of me in front of the whole class about my accent. I rented enough videos that my accent was gone in no time. I assimilated quickly, started dressing like everyone else, and felt sure I’d pass soon enough. Maybe my only regret. I should have given that Spanish teacher the finger and thrown my Spanish book at him.
Fate
Superstition
I am very superstitious. There are certain I things I just don't do. No shoes on the furniture, including beds. I also don't walk under ladders, show illness on my own body, and if I happen to say something awful that could come true - I always bite my tongue. I will ask people in my company to do the same, should they mutter something I think could be bad for them.
Luck
My lucky number is 3. My lucky ritual is performed when we need a good parking spot and I rub my hands together vigorously.
I am very superstitious. There are certain I things I just don't do. No shoes on the furniture, including beds. I also don't walk under ladders, show illness on my own body, and if I happen to say something awful that could come true - I always bite my tongue. I will ask people in my company to do the same, should they mutter something I think could be bad for them.
Luck
My lucky number is 3. My lucky ritual is performed when we need a good parking spot and I rub my hands together vigorously.
Astrology
Systems like this either work for a person or don’t. I am part of the first group. I find it to be accurate and helpful, like a tool of measure. I was once so superstitious about my horoscope (which stated 'don't leave the house today' that I called in sick and stayed home). I was also in a bad car accident when I was sixteen. A few days beforehand, my friend had shown me that my horoscope read: Due to mass panic, your horoscope has been omitted for this week. I still have that in my scrap book.
Personality
Me
A wanderer. Having lived and traveled in numerous places with nowhere to call home.
A need to own the situation in some way. Make it my own.
A need to feel as if these moments are mine in some way.
A manipulator.
A manipulator with good intentions.
Asking for things that people may not want to give. Organizing moments into my own sequential order.
Choreographer of intimacy.
Choreographer of spectacle.
A fascination with spectacle. Give me Las Vegas. Where it all happens all the time. Huge wads of cash being exchanged. Alcohol being consumed everywhere. People fucking in all those rooms. Cigarette in one hand, the oxygen container in the other. The bright lights and the noise of slot machines.
An over doer. Overdone with work. Overdone laziness. Too much food. Too much alcohol. Too much worrying. Too much lack of closure. Too much.
Obsessive. Not openly, but obsessive.
A constant thinker. A head dweller.
A dreamer. Dreams of longing and love. Dreams of connecting and never quite making it.
A pusher. Pushing things I know wont budge, but trying never the less.
Unforgiving of myself.
Disconnected. Spending a large portion of the time feeling separate from the experience. Like watching from the outside.
A believer. Believer in the unbelievable. Aliens. Ghosts. Gnomes. Auras. Art. Reincarnation. Karma. Psychics. Astrology.
A sincere person. Meaning well, but often overdoing it. (see over doer)
Homesick
Everywhere looks like somewhere else.
In Germany, feeling very far away from my bed and my things and my life.
Missing my studio and my tv and the movies.
Missing the anonymity of America. The way in which you can get lost in the landscape. Taking those road trips. Stopping at gas stations for soda and snacks. Feeling like you could be anyone you wanted to, because those people will never see you again.
Missing people that I normally see on a day to day basis.
1st real boyfriend
Young.
Hopeful.
Looking for love.
She wrote him emails and spoke to him on the phone.
After 3 months he wanted to meet.
It was over before it began.
She loved the journey far more than the destination.
He arrived, and she opened the door.
She left with him, having never driven with someone other than her parents before.
In hindsight, she thought her mother was very brave to let her leave that day.
With someone they had never met before.
Never bored
How is it possible to do nothing? Technically I could do nothing all day. But it's impossible. I don't know how to do nothing.
A wanderer. Having lived and traveled in numerous places with nowhere to call home.
A need to own the situation in some way. Make it my own.
A need to feel as if these moments are mine in some way.
A manipulator.
A manipulator with good intentions.
Asking for things that people may not want to give. Organizing moments into my own sequential order.
Choreographer of intimacy.
Choreographer of spectacle.
A fascination with spectacle. Give me Las Vegas. Where it all happens all the time. Huge wads of cash being exchanged. Alcohol being consumed everywhere. People fucking in all those rooms. Cigarette in one hand, the oxygen container in the other. The bright lights and the noise of slot machines.
An over doer. Overdone with work. Overdone laziness. Too much food. Too much alcohol. Too much worrying. Too much lack of closure. Too much.
Obsessive. Not openly, but obsessive.
A constant thinker. A head dweller.
A dreamer. Dreams of longing and love. Dreams of connecting and never quite making it.
A pusher. Pushing things I know wont budge, but trying never the less.
Unforgiving of myself.
Disconnected. Spending a large portion of the time feeling separate from the experience. Like watching from the outside.
A believer. Believer in the unbelievable. Aliens. Ghosts. Gnomes. Auras. Art. Reincarnation. Karma. Psychics. Astrology.
A sincere person. Meaning well, but often overdoing it. (see over doer)
Homesick
Everywhere looks like somewhere else.
In Germany, feeling very far away from my bed and my things and my life.
Missing my studio and my tv and the movies.
Missing the anonymity of America. The way in which you can get lost in the landscape. Taking those road trips. Stopping at gas stations for soda and snacks. Feeling like you could be anyone you wanted to, because those people will never see you again.
Missing people that I normally see on a day to day basis.
1st real boyfriend
Young.
Hopeful.
Looking for love.
She wrote him emails and spoke to him on the phone.
After 3 months he wanted to meet.
It was over before it began.
She loved the journey far more than the destination.
He arrived, and she opened the door.
She left with him, having never driven with someone other than her parents before.
In hindsight, she thought her mother was very brave to let her leave that day.
With someone they had never met before.
Never bored
How is it possible to do nothing? Technically I could do nothing all day. But it's impossible. I don't know how to do nothing.
Politics
Bush
Which America was Bush talking about tonight? "For the sake of job growth, the tax cuts [Congress] passed should be permanent. ""By computerizing health records...""Abstinence for young people is the only certain way to avoid sexually-transmitted diseases.""Our nation must defend the sanctity of marriage.""We must continue to pursue an aggressive, pro-growth economic agenda. "and my favorite: "...get rid of steroids now"
Which America was Bush talking about tonight? "For the sake of job growth, the tax cuts [Congress] passed should be permanent. ""By computerizing health records...""Abstinence for young people is the only certain way to avoid sexually-transmitted diseases.""Our nation must defend the sanctity of marriage.""We must continue to pursue an aggressive, pro-growth economic agenda. "and my favorite: "...get rid of steroids now"
Ponderings
Things That Help.
Sitting in silence. Watching the sun come up in an airplane. Baked goat cheese. Santa Fe on Christmas Eve. Champagne, Vodka, Tequila, Wine. Prescription sunglasses. Being loved unconditionally. Reading books and newspapers. Continuing to sew, even if it sucks. Being truthful. Being flexible. Taking responsibility. Picking my battles. Letting go. Scarves and gloves. Paying attention. Knowing when to stop. Knowing when to start. Being cross disciplinary. Seeing the big picture.
Magazine Inserts
I know that with the advertising industry nothing is a coincidence. Vast millions are spent on ensuring that the public sees exactly what is meant to be seen. I hate tear-out ads that are inside magazines. When I browse through a magazine, these inserts often determine what I view, as the pages often slip right to those places in the publication. Are these ads placed in certain spots, so that we will be directed inadvertently to these places?
Sitting in silence. Watching the sun come up in an airplane. Baked goat cheese. Santa Fe on Christmas Eve. Champagne, Vodka, Tequila, Wine. Prescription sunglasses. Being loved unconditionally. Reading books and newspapers. Continuing to sew, even if it sucks. Being truthful. Being flexible. Taking responsibility. Picking my battles. Letting go. Scarves and gloves. Paying attention. Knowing when to stop. Knowing when to start. Being cross disciplinary. Seeing the big picture.
Magazine Inserts
I know that with the advertising industry nothing is a coincidence. Vast millions are spent on ensuring that the public sees exactly what is meant to be seen. I hate tear-out ads that are inside magazines. When I browse through a magazine, these inserts often determine what I view, as the pages often slip right to those places in the publication. Are these ads placed in certain spots, so that we will be directed inadvertently to these places?
Happenings
Don’t take the #19 Bus
A woman sat down next to me, but we had a small partition between us. She coughed loudly into my face as she sat down. I looked straight ahead. After about fifteen minutes, she turns directly to me, puts her face in my face (she had sunglasses on) and yells loudly, “Get the hell out of my face!” I inched over slightly and moved to the next seat. All the people on the bus were now staring at her, and probably me. She looked over at me, and again yelling said, “That's right. You move or get off the damn bus. You stupid girl!”
Cable Car
I was heading home one night, riding on the cable car uphill. It stopped to drop people off, and the cable car going downhill stopped along side, next to it. I heard a knock on the window behind me, and turned around. There was a guy standing up in the other cable car, showing me a small yellow frog. He then demonstrated that it was rubbery and bendy, by stretching its head and neck. The whole time he appeared to be talking to me, but I obviously have no idea what he was saying. I just started laughing, and he responded to this by smiling and nodding at me. And then his cable car pulled away.
A woman sat down next to me, but we had a small partition between us. She coughed loudly into my face as she sat down. I looked straight ahead. After about fifteen minutes, she turns directly to me, puts her face in my face (she had sunglasses on) and yells loudly, “Get the hell out of my face!” I inched over slightly and moved to the next seat. All the people on the bus were now staring at her, and probably me. She looked over at me, and again yelling said, “That's right. You move or get off the damn bus. You stupid girl!”
Cable Car
I was heading home one night, riding on the cable car uphill. It stopped to drop people off, and the cable car going downhill stopped along side, next to it. I heard a knock on the window behind me, and turned around. There was a guy standing up in the other cable car, showing me a small yellow frog. He then demonstrated that it was rubbery and bendy, by stretching its head and neck. The whole time he appeared to be talking to me, but I obviously have no idea what he was saying. I just started laughing, and he responded to this by smiling and nodding at me. And then his cable car pulled away.
Studio Practice
Article I. Practice Makes Perfect.
Section 1.01 Quantity is not quality.
In doing research for the last eighteen months, I have come to discover certain traits about myself and my studio practice that were not as evident before. While I have attempted to spend an average of 6-8 or 10-12 hours in the studio, each day I’m there, this has not always meant a mass-production of work. In fact, I have noticed that I work instead in spurts, and spend the rest of the time thinking, writing and talking to other people. I realize that I am not one to sit and spend all day working on one piece. There is too much pressure in putting all my eggs in one basket. I would much rather invest equally in numerous projects, and move around freely.
Section 1.02 Let the universe guide you.
I attempted a strategy of allowing the days to take me where they will. As people came in and out of the studio, I would talk, agree to lunch if asked, run errands if asked or hang out in other spaces if invited. It was a way of attempting to find inspiration in the mundane. It was a way of relinquishing control, in order to be more spontaneous.
Section 1.03 Keep on moving.One strategy that failed was the continuous restructuring of the space. Frequently I would move the furniture around, re-shelve my books, throw things away and color code my supplies. At one point I went to a dollar store and bought 20 assorted Tupperware containers. I then took all my supplies and tools, and organized them into different containers. This was useless, because it then became impossible to find anything, because I now had no idea what was in which container.
Section 1.04 Scraps. People have left lots of notes in my studio and mailbox. I have kept them all: post-its, notebook pages, cardboard, scraps. I often wonder what I would seem like to an outside, if they had nothing but these notes to base an opinion on.
Section 1.05 Ephemera.The Artworld wastes a lot of paper with exhibition invitations. I never understood why a postcard invite would ever be bigger than the standard 4x6 inches. Anything bigger than that size and it ends getting folded in half anyway. I can’t bring myself to throw them away. Each semester I have labeled an envelope, and tossed all the invites and flyers in there.
Section 1.06 Filing system.In the past I have collected books more than articles. Once arriving at graduate school, the funds dwindled, and I began to Xerox articles and excerpts. I then bought folders for my wire desktop file organizer, and began organizing the articles according to topic.
Article II. Jot It All Down.
Section 2.01 Notes.
Section 2.02 Binders.
Section 1.01 Quantity is not quality.
In doing research for the last eighteen months, I have come to discover certain traits about myself and my studio practice that were not as evident before. While I have attempted to spend an average of 6-8 or 10-12 hours in the studio, each day I’m there, this has not always meant a mass-production of work. In fact, I have noticed that I work instead in spurts, and spend the rest of the time thinking, writing and talking to other people. I realize that I am not one to sit and spend all day working on one piece. There is too much pressure in putting all my eggs in one basket. I would much rather invest equally in numerous projects, and move around freely.
Section 1.02 Let the universe guide you.
I attempted a strategy of allowing the days to take me where they will. As people came in and out of the studio, I would talk, agree to lunch if asked, run errands if asked or hang out in other spaces if invited. It was a way of attempting to find inspiration in the mundane. It was a way of relinquishing control, in order to be more spontaneous.
Section 1.03 Keep on moving.One strategy that failed was the continuous restructuring of the space. Frequently I would move the furniture around, re-shelve my books, throw things away and color code my supplies. At one point I went to a dollar store and bought 20 assorted Tupperware containers. I then took all my supplies and tools, and organized them into different containers. This was useless, because it then became impossible to find anything, because I now had no idea what was in which container.
Section 1.04 Scraps. People have left lots of notes in my studio and mailbox. I have kept them all: post-its, notebook pages, cardboard, scraps. I often wonder what I would seem like to an outside, if they had nothing but these notes to base an opinion on.
Section 1.05 Ephemera.The Artworld wastes a lot of paper with exhibition invitations. I never understood why a postcard invite would ever be bigger than the standard 4x6 inches. Anything bigger than that size and it ends getting folded in half anyway. I can’t bring myself to throw them away. Each semester I have labeled an envelope, and tossed all the invites and flyers in there.
Section 1.06 Filing system.In the past I have collected books more than articles. Once arriving at graduate school, the funds dwindled, and I began to Xerox articles and excerpts. I then bought folders for my wire desktop file organizer, and began organizing the articles according to topic.
Article II. Jot It All Down.
Section 2.01 Notes.
Section 2.02 Binders.